


LOVER

by Cassandra_of_Troy



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Album: Lover (Taylor Swift), Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Complete, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, M/M, One-Shots, Protective Siblings, heart breaking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-25 13:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 22,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22497097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassandra_of_Troy/pseuds/Cassandra_of_Troy
Summary: I wrote 19 one-shots (mostly Malec, but some weren’t focused on them) based on Taylor Swift's Lover songs (the last one will be a bonus, it's the last song from Reputation). I will post a one-shot a day and I hope you like it!
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 113
Kudos: 59





	1. I Forgot that you Existed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I forgot that you existed and I thought that it would kill me, but it didn’t and it was so nice, so peaceful and quiet  
> I forgot that you existed, it isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference”
> 
> Magnus Loved Camille… And it was so big and so intense and devastating that he thought that nothing would ever be the same… More than once, he feared that he had locked his heart in such a way that he would no longer be able to love as he had before...

Magnus loved Camille ...

She wasn't his first great love, but it was the first time he believed he had found the reason to exist in this world. It was a love so great and so uncontrollable that he breathed her essence, her scent was air, her words were water, her touches were part of his life energy...

And nothing had hurt him more than breaking up with her, nothing had broken his heart like the realization that she would never love him and devote herself to him as he was devoted to her.

They were both immortal and eternity would be by their side so they could love each other without anything so intense in their lives, but they understood love so differently that the realization almost killed him.

Magnus stepped out of their house and for centuries kept as far from Camille's path as he could, but that didn't lessen his grief, the dedication his being still vivid for her was so great that the warlock was sure that if they ever met again, he would have no strength against her.

He moved to New York and settled in Brooklyn, making his name among the downworlders with his prodigious power, making allies and friends, but not allowing himself any more involvement with anyone.

Every time someone new tried to come into his life, the image of Camille hardened his heart and locked him to whatever feelings of affection he might develop. Magnus didn't deprived himself of company or pleasure, he was always surrounded by beautiful and interesting people, but whose names he didn't remember at dawn.

More than once, he feared that he had locked his heart in such a way that he would no longer be able to love as he had before, and he didn't know which possibility terrified him more: to allow someone to come into his life and hurt him again or to have lost forever that human part of his being...

That was when Alec came into his life, with that genuine innocence and that heart as fragile and as frightened as the High Warlock's and unintentionally unlocked all of Magnus' oldest locks, making him realize that that ability was still there, that his heart was still capable of beating fast for someone, longing for his attention, his company, and, most importantly, to be corresponded!

Loving a mortal, a shadowhunter, was no easier or less painful. Despite seeing that Alec was really interested in him, with almost the same dedication and intensity, Magnus knew how shadowhunters thought, as nothing was ever more important than their duty.

The High Warlock was alone in his apartment, drinking and enjoying the quiet silence of the night, even if a war was about to take place outside, ignoring every time his cell phone rang and Alexander's name lit up, ignoring one by one the many messages he left him.

It wasn't as if Magnus never wanted to talk to him again or as if the shadowhunter's fickle dedication hurt him. No, Magnus was upset that the first person who flung open the locks of his heart was not entirely devoted to him. And he knew that Alec could be, knew that they could make each other happy, because it wasn't as if the youngest didn't feel the same way, it wasn't as if he didn't know how the High Warlock felt, and it wasn't as if when they were together, alone, it wasn't the same feeling.

_It wasn't like it was with Camille._

The thought took him by surprise, because it had been so long since the last time that name had come into his memory. And Magnus realized that the pain and sad memories that used to come tied to that name didn't come this time.

He hadn't stopped thinking about Camille just to avoid memories of suffering. So much had happened in his life lately, so much so that he had devoted himself to Alexander and his new feelings, that he had no reason to avoid thinking about Camille on purpose.

She had escaped his thoughts, and while he believed it would kill him, caused him absolutely nothing. All the things she had put him through, all that he had suffered, now were just a blur in his memory, with indistinct and undefined colors that mingled so deeply with other memories of the past centuries that he was no longer so sure than they were.

Magnus would have dedicated her his eternity, they would have been so different from what they eventually became, who knows where they were living? What would they do? He would have given her the world if she had asked and stood up for anything she did...

But with a laugh he couldn't control, he couldn't remember why. Why had he dedicated so much of himself to Camille? Why was he willing to spend his life with her? Why did he love her so much? He couldn't remember what had caused him to fall in love with her, that had made him ignore all the traits of her personality that eventually hurt him.

He knew she had been important and that she had helped him when he needed it, but she hadn't been the only one, and with a new laugh he realized that there was no longer the pedestal on which he had placed her centuries ago.

Not because of Alexander and the feeling he had for each other. No, his archer was special in getting him back on the sweet, twisting paths of falling in love. But it wasn't because of the new love that the old one had lost the shine! It was because Magnus' heart had finally regenerated completely! He had made a decision not to fear that pain and disappointment!

At that moment, his phone rang once more and he almost answered it, but let it dropped in the message box again, getting up and preparing a new drink, with a satisfied smile on his face.

Magnus loved Camille.

Loved it so much and hated it so much, for so long too! He put his heart in her hands and gave her the power to hurt him, to do with him as she pleased... How long did he blame himself for giving in that way? How long did he think it was his fault she didn't feel the same?

Love was free and it was his to give to anyone he wanted. And people were also free to feel the same or not. It didn't make it wrong to feel or fearlessly surrender to anyone! Love would remain yours, the heart was still yours.

Sitting back in his chair, with a _Bloody Mary_ in hand, he thought of Alexander and how love was a new concept for his shadowhunter, how every time they were together, every time Magnus kissed him, the younger seemed to completely lose the ability to function properly.

His love was free to surrender to the shadowhunter and wait for him to be ready to choose them if that was his wish. But it was also his to not be hurt if it was doomed to confusion.

Magnus understood that Alexander was young, repressed, a _Lightwood_... Maybe loving the High Warlock was more than he could handle, and that was one of the reasons he had walked away. Of course the insistence with which the younger man continued to try to contact him was flattering and unexpected, but he wanted more and he wouldn't ask more than the other could offer him.

That night so sweet, so peaceful and quiet, so simple and yet so magical, made Magnus completely forgive himself for being so hurt by Camille and made him realize how much stronger his heart had become, how many possibilities it had now. Love still held for his future, either with Alexander or someone else!

He had forgotten about Camille, the betrayal, the pain, the centuries he had stood alone and afraid to let someone truly love him and to love hopelessly. But he wanted to love hopelessly and allow himself to feel everything he could feel! Because he could be immortal, but it was love that made him human!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow has the next one-shot!


	2. Cruel Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So cut the headlights, summer’s a knife  
> I’m always waiting for you just to cut to the bone  
> Devils roll the dice, Angels roll their eyes  
> An if I bleed, you’ll be the last to know”
> 
> Magnus is not uncomfortable that Alexander appears in his apartment whenever he manages to escape from his siblings, so that they can be together. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt that they are a secret...

— Why is it always so hot here? — Alec grumbled, removing his jacket and throwing it in the other chair next to the couch where he was sitting next to Magnus.

— You are the one who keep insisting on wearing jackets in mid-July — the warlock sneered, sliding his fingers along on the soft white rune-filled skin.

— Not all of us have silk clothes — the younger replied, sliding his fingers through the wide lightweight shirt the other wore.

— I can make you a drink if you want — Magnus suggested seductively.

— You know I have to go back to the Institute, Magnus — his archer took a deep breath, trying to keep control with the new approach of their bodies. — That's not what I came here for... We need your help!

— You always need my help — the older said humorously. — Maybe I'd better settle permanently at the New York Institute to save us time... Or you settle here, which is even better!

— Don't be funny... — Alec chuckled. — The others really believe I just came to talk to you. For the  _ fifth time in the week _ !

Magnus backed, slightly pushing them away. He understood that his affair with Alexander was hidden from other shadowhunters, understood that the youngest wasn’t open about his sexuality even with his siblings. He understood, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt to be remembered that way.

Alexander leaned over him, taking his lips in a new kiss that blew away the uncertainties that plagued Magnus' head, as he always did when they were together. They slid their lips together, sighing together, completely involved in the moment.

Since they started meeting, every time the shadowhunter managed to escape his siblings’ constant companion between his patrols and run to Brooklyn, they didn't spend much time debating whether to officialize their relationship or be exclusive, at the very least, they always had so little time that talking seemed like the wrong way to enjoy it.

But that didn't stop the warlock from feeling bad later, when he had time to think about it, until the next time they saw each other. It hadn’t prevented him from developing feelings for the shadowhunter, much less that he felt terrible about the uncertainty of whether the other had felt anything for him either or if he was just taking advantage of the situation, as they were always in need of his services…

Not that Alexander wear the bad boy style, which uses the feelings of others without caring. Quite the opposite. He was one of the few shadowhunters who didn't treat Magnus as inferior or demand his services, as so many shadowhunters did. But it was very comfortable for him to keep their affair a secret, so comfortable that it was unlikely that it would even occur to him to change anything.

— Alexander — he said breathlessly as they parted, watching the younger open his beautiful clear eyes to focus on him and pay attention to what he was going to say, as if awake to hear his name. — What is this for you?

— This what? — he asked, confused and Magnus gave him a free pass, as they had just kissed madly.

— Us — he explained, and the shadowhunter blinked, looking surprised.

—  _ Us _ ? — he repeated again, not looking confused anymore, but worried.

— You come here, when you need something, we kiss and make out on the couch until the time you say you need to go back to the Institute. What does this mean to you?

— It means I like spending time with you when I can run away from the Institute! — Alec answered simply, as if that conclusion was obvious. — Why come with this now?

— Because for me is not  _ just this _ — Magnus replied with his sinking heart and a bitter taste that feeling in his chest. — Can't you see I'm in love with you? Or is it part of your game to play blind? — he said honestly, betting all his luck on the dice.

— I'm not playing blind — Alec said, rolling his eyes. — You took me by surprise with this story…

— "This story"? — the warlock repeated, moving completely away from the other.

— That went wrong. That's not what I meant… — the younger tried to fix it, realizing that not even the summer heat was enough to break the ice in that situation. — Magnus, I don't know what this means to me because it's all... Very new and I thought you were satisfied with what was happening... I thought it was just fun for you.

— Well, now you know it's not — Magnus replied, calming his spirits, which had gotten out of control.

— What do you want me to say? — the shadowhunter asked, looking lost.

What did he expect the other to say? That he was in love too? That it wasn't just a way of "rewarding" him for his services? That he wasn't just another one that approached Magnus for his long list of relationships, not caring if they needed to be serious?

He also didn't know what he wanted or didn't want to hear, because the chances of getting hurt were so big and to getting what he wanted were so small... At that very moment, he just wished he didn't say anything, like he had done the last few times and just enjoyed his shadowhunter's company.

Without answering, he got up and went to his liquor cart to prepare a new, stronger drink that would be able to make him minimally drunk to drown that pain that had reached a new level in his chest.

— Are you okay? — Alec got up too and went after him, looking really worried.

— I'm fine, Alexander — he lied, turning to face him with the most harmless expression he could manage.

It broke his heart in a thousand pieces, as if he were going to cry for centuries with that pain, realizing that perhaps the last thing that person wanted to hear was that he was in love, not because he didn't feel the same way, but because he didn't know the best way, if there was one, to reject his feelings without causing more harm. Damage had already been caused…

— You should go — Magnus said, before anything else was said. — I promise to go to the Institute tomorrow, sort out whatever you may need — he took the shadowhunter's jacket from the chair and handed it to him, completely ignoring the expression Alec was making and walking toward the entrance.

— That is it? I don't know how to answer how I feel and you kick me out from your apartment? — Alec said, annoyed.

— No one's kicking you out — the older answered. — You already said you needed to go back. Let's not make your comings here look more suspicious…

He knew he could bear the pain, and he knew he didn't want to give up that little piece of heaven that the shadowhunter brought with him every time he searched for him, making him want it even more! He wouldn't give that up even if it hurt him deadly... Even if it made him bleed, Alexander didn't need to know…

Before he could open the door, however, his archer's hand stopped him, approaching faster than he had realized and standing behind him, so close that his breath prickled his skin. Slowly, Alexander moved their bodies closer, almost pressing him against the door and Magnus closed his eyes, holding his breath.

His heart was pounding violently in his chest as he felt the warm kiss the younger left on his neck, pressing his warm, soft lips against his skin for a few seconds before pulling back as little as possible to whisper in his husky voice at his ear:

— If you have patience, we'll get there!


	3. Lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear  
> Have I know you 20 seconds or 20 years?”  
> When shadowhunters crash his party, Magnus is extremely interested in the oldest of the Lightwood siblings...

Magnus stared at the young shadowhunter amazed, unable to look away for a second, all else having completely lost its importance.

— What's your name again? — he asked, causing the younger to return those beautiful clear eyes to him.

— Alec — he answered promptly, with a surprised smile.

— Alec — the High Warlock repeated slowly. — This is the short for...

— Alexander — the other answered, becoming slightly embarrassed. Magnus smiled, finding him completely adorable. — But everyone just calls me Alec, even my parents...

— Except when you do something bad? — the oldest joked.

— I don't do anything bad— Alec replied, amused, causing the other to bite his lower lip seductively. With satisfaction, Magnus realized that the shadowhunter's eyes focused on his mouth longer than he would have allowed himself.

— Maybe you should, Alexander! Being good and obedient all the time ends the fun that life can have!

— You must understand that better than me, for sure! — the younger said and then gave him an alarmed look, as if reproving what he had just said. — I’m so sorry, I didn't mean... I wasn’t thinking straight…

— Oh, don't worry, Alexander! — Magnus laughed. — I believe I have more sense of humor than much of your fellow shadowhunters! You can be relaxed!

— Okay… okay — the other replied, still looking fearful.

— Speaking of relaxing, can I offer you a drink? — the High Warlock asked, in his most seductive tone of voice, allowing himself to take a step toward the other to get closer.

— I’m… I'm on a mission, I don't think it would be a smart idea... — Alec stammered, sounding anguished.

— That's not stopping your teammates from having fun — Magnus gestured around, but none of the other shadowhunters were around to be seen. — Are they your siblings? — he confirmed.

— Jace and Izzy — the other nodded. — Younger siblings. Not Clary, I barely know her, I don't know why she had to come along...

— I see. Well, no drink then. Do you want something to eat? — the High Warlock offered. — Anything you wish; during missions, you should have little time to restore your energy…

— I'm fine, Mr. Bane — the shadowhunter replied politely, seeming to be strangely attentive to the other. — I don't want to upset you if you would rather enjoy your party, your guests...

— Why do you think you would upset me, Alexander? — Magnus said with a pleasant smile. — And please, you can just call me _Magnus_.

— Are you sure? — the younger seemed hesitant, which amused the other even more.

— Yes, Alexander! My house, my rules — he winked at the shadowhunter, making him chuckle awkwardly. — Would I get in the way of your mission if I convince you to go to my balcony? — his punctually "innocent" tone seemed to turn on the alert in Alec's head.

— I don't know... — he looked around, searching for his siblings with sudden desperation.

— I really don't want to disturb you — Magnus assured him. — But here it is so stuffy, I would make some good use of some fresh air... You could do it too — his suggestive tone made the younger’s cheeks flush violently.

— Fresh air?

— You can even see where your siblings are along the way if they aren't _too focused_ on their tasks — the older joked, pointing the way to the porch, glad to see the other begin to walk there, even though he still seemed to fear a trap. 

With a small, almost imperceptible snap of his fingers, Magnus graced his porch with hundreds of little white lights dangling from side to side and tangled in the bushes just seconds before they walked through the doors.

— Make yourself comfortable, Alexander! — he indicated the outer area, watching where the shadowhunter had gone.

Alec seemed intrigued by everything, obviously considering it an "enemy territory". With hesitant steps, he went to the other side of the porch overlooking the city. Magnus covered the same distance and stopped beside him, looking down at the buildings and cars below.

— You don't like parties very much, do you? — the warlock asked suddenly.

— I think I'm embarrassed that the host caught us crashing his party and still is being very understanding — Alec replied with a sideways smile, barely turning his face toward the other.

— I don't think the _host_ is what you expected of him — Magnus joked, turning completely, searching for the light that reflected in those charmingly eyes.

— No, he certainly isn't!

— And that disappointed you? I know very little about how they describe me to new shadowhunters, maybe I sounded more… _Threatening_ ? — he laughed, still amused, and the other shook his head. — _Lecherous_ ? It's my favorite word they usually use — he laughed. — Maybe _demonic_?

— I'm not sure what I expected, Magnus... — Alec said, laughing and that sound became the High Warlock's favorite sound, as if it were a breath of new magic in his life.

He noticed every last detail of the young shadowhunter, as if it hadn’t been scanned several times before, since he arrived. The slightly messy black hair, the eyes that sparkled mysteriously like two jewels, the drawn mouth that looked like a fruit never harvested… His broad shoulders and strong arms, covered by the leather jacket, the hands of long, scarred fingers for using the bow so much...

— Are you feeling better? — Alec asked, after a few seconds of silence in which Magnus had allowed himself to fantasize with years into the future before he was brought back.

— Much better! The night is so nice, I don't think I remember ever feeling such a delicious blow… — the shadowhunter nodded, awkwardly, as if hearing the unclean thoughts Magnus had had. — Tell me, Alexander... What do you like? What do you do when you're not _being shadowhunter_?

— I think I'm always being a shadowhunter — the younger answered, confused.

— Do you read, listen to music, like to try exotic foods… Do you have a hobby? I bet you make _origami_ — warlock joked, just to make the other laugh again.

— I do read — he nodded. — I don't think I'm the interesting party crasher you imagined… When I'm not on missions, I'm studying or training…

— You're more interesting than you think, darling! I feel like I've known you for a long time ...

— More than twenty seconds? — Alec joked.

— Like twenty years! — Magnus answered seductively.

— Maybe, I look like some of my ancestors you already met — the shadowhunter ventured.

_“Or maybe it's my lost heart that recognized yours from dreams I had with the future…"_

— I don't remember ever meeting a Lightwood capable of _lighting_ my night before — the High Warlock teased, making the other go full red again. — I shouldn't make you uncomfortable like this, where are my manners? This way you won't ever come back...

— Would you like me to come back? At other parties, you mean?

— Or when you have free time from _shadowhuntering_! We can try exotic foods and make… Origami! What you want the most, Alexander!

— Are you serious? — Alec asked, furrowing his brow in confusion.

— About wanting you to come back? Of course, darling! — Magnus answered simply. — You look genuinely surprised. Why?

— I did something…? — he asked, without understanding or completing his own sentence at all.

— If you did you do something like what?

— Different? — the shadowhunter tried. — I mean ... You’re _Magnus Bane_!

— Are you worried that I may be using any _warlock_ tricks in you? — the older ventured, with his heart pounding.

— No, no. Do you really want to be here talking to _me_ ? Do you really want _me_ to come back?

— I think anyone who knows you, Alexander, would like to be here talking to _you_! — Magnus replied, not afraid to sound completely captive of the shadowhunter.

— No. It's not something that usually happens to me, actually. Jace and Izzy, they are the interesting ones. I'm just… The responsible one.

— Anyone who can't see the charm in someone you can count on may still believe that beauty lies only in what can be seen — Magnus said seductively. — I like being honest and having long conversations, going out to dinner and walking home, being a safe haven for friends and the only one for those who really want to know me… I think that's the real beauty, don’t you agree, Alexander?

Alec smiled, delighted with those words.

— I didn't think I'd say that, but I do. I totally agree with you!


	4. The Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m so sick of running as fast as I can  
> Wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man  
> And I’m so sick of them coming at me again  
> ‘Cause if I was a man, then I’d be the man”
> 
> Isabelle Lightwood knows better than waiting for the world to change alone and she knows that it is always harder to have to run faster and faster to get there!

Isabelle Lightwood had learned early that there are things in the Shadow World that you can't change. And when you can't change something, you just accept living with it the way it is.

She always accepted being Daddy's little girl, just as she accepted that her mother would never like her if she continued to be the way she was. She always accepted that Alec would protect her and her brothers from everything, even though they wanted to share the burden that repressed him within his own being. And she accepted that Jace would always be the most inconsequential of them, the prodigy he was among shadowhunters.

And even when you get carried away by this philosophy, life still puts you in situations where you not only have to accept that you can't change anything, but you can't make things go back the way they used to be.

It wasn't easy not to have Clary around anymore, since the Angels decided to take away all her memories as punishment for the runes she'd created. It wasn’t easy not to be revolted by this punishment, since Clary only had the ability to create new runes for the gift she had received from the Angels themselves…

It wasn’t easy to see her brother suffering day after day with the prohibition of even approaching the love of his own. life. Not even seeing Simon having to stay away from his best friend or Luke from his daughter…

But Isabelle knew that, the things you can't change, you accept the way they are.

And she wanted to be able to become more hopeful for her own sake and those she loved, especially having seen so many changes with her own eyes, thanks to her brother's tireless effort. But she knew how much he had to fight and how quiet he still suffered from what wasn’t easy to conquer.

She was always as good as Alec or Jace, always trained as much as they were and proved as much as both! But she always had to hear the whispers behind her for every choice she made.

_ “Of course, it's a Lightwood!” _

__ _ “Did you see whose sister she's from?” _

__ _ “Why the high heels?” _

__ _ “What does she want to prove?” _

It wasn't easy to keep her head up, it wasn't easy to like herself with so many voices coming from the shadows, with eyes always watching her. It was easier to think it wasn't with her, to convince herself that she didn't care, that none of that mattered, when you had done your job right at the end of the day…

See Alec happy, Jace open to more people, have a good relationship with her mother, everything that had happened almost made her believe that things could change!

She had tried to be serious, the way her mother wanted her to be, but she managed to find a way to be serious and still be herself. That's when  _ yin fen _ changed her life and she found out she couldn't be who she was before…

Her mother had been punished for old mistakes, which she made before Izzy was even born, and they were again reminded of how nothing goes in your favor when you are a woman!

It wasn't fair to have to work so hard, have to fight so hard for what you want, have to run faster and faster to get right and still hear that you don't deserve what you have, to know that you can lose everything even faster.

She wanted the world to be different, but it wasn't! Clary was alone in the mundane world, with no recollection of who she really was or of all who loved her and could only watch her now from afar! Her mother had lost all her runes and had to start over in a different world than she had ever known! And as for Izzy, she no longer knew if she could handle the situation of always accepting resigned that she had no power to change things...

— Isabelle? — Alec came into her office, waking her up from all those thoughts that haunted her endlessly. — May I talk to you for a moment?

— Sure — she smiled at him, watching him sit across his desk in front of her. — Any news about Clary?

— No. The Clave remains irreducible about her case, unfortunately. All we have to do is pray!

— What is it then?

— I got a call this morning from the Clave — he began quietly. — To be the new Inquisitor in Idris.

— Alec! — she jumped from her chair, surprised. — This is amazing! Congratulations!

— Yes — her brother laughed at her reaction.

— But what about Magnus? Will he be able to go with you? — she asked worriedly.

— He also got a call this morning — Alec said, as if he were too surreal to believe what he was going to say. — Now that Idris is open to downworlders, the Warlocks Council has requested that a High Warlock be placed there and offered the post to Magnus!

— This is wonderful, Alec! I can't believe you are moving to Idris!

— We still don't accept the offer...

— Why not?

— Because there's so much we started here in New York, I can only accept if there's someone I can trust to take care of everything! Someone who will devote from the heart and still know how to take care of my Parabatai for me, to keep him out of trouble! — he smiled, seeing the understanding on Izzy's face. — I can only go in peace if you, Isabelle Lightwood, accept to take over the New York Institute!

— Are you sure about that, Alec?

— I can't think of anyone better to be Head of this Institute, Izzy!

— But you know they'll say it's just because I'm your sister, don't you? — she said fearfully.

— And they couldn't be more wrong! Izzy, I trust you with my life because you're smart and brave and all you do is with all your dedication! I'm really proud to be your brother, but you're one of the best shadowhunters around here, you know so much about everything and nothing can ever knock you down! I really wanted to have half your strength on your weakness day!

— You're not a very trustable opinion about me, big brother, you know that? — she joked, still feeling insecure.

— Izzy, I do love you and I want you to always remember that every time anyone doubts that you deserve to be where you are, you can knock them down if that's what you want, but you don't have to prove anything to anyone! Do you accept to be Head of this Institute?

She knew she still had to run faster than everyone else (and in high heels!), she knew how strong she had to be, and how often she would have to pretend not to hear the comments at her back. But if there was one thing Isabelle knew better than not waiting for the world to change, it was how many times she could stand there to see it keep spinning in spite of everything!

The world had managed to surprise her and her life was definitely not the same as before Clary's appearance… She wanted to feel hopeful, but hope was still a feeling that scared her more than facing demons… Maybe it wasn't about changing, but about learning that she was the one who had to move on.

Isabelle Lightwood had learned early that she always would have to fight twice and run as fast as she could to get where she came and would do it for herself!


	5. The Archer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost  
> The room is on fire, invisible smoke  
> And all of my heroes die all alone  
> Help me hold on to you  
> I’ve been the Archer  
> I’ve been the prey”
> 
> Alec doesn't understand why Magnus is so interested in him or why he is the only one who gets the High Warlock to be cooperative when they need his help... But he doesn't want him to stop!

Every time, no matter how hard Alec tried to be prepared, he was sure Magnus' eyes could see through him, as if the years he had practiced hiding his insides were useless against the High Warlock.

The first time he went to Brooklyn alone was out of necessity, it was because they needed the warlock's help and he wasn’t "spontaneously" cooperative with the others as he used to be with the archer.

Alec was taught to always mistrust downworlders' interests, especially warlocks, because they always wanted something in return. But Magnus said he was completely pleased to have his company for as long as they could and that's all. Jace had given up on getting anything for himself, since the High Warlock didn't seem to have any interest in him, always returning frustrated to the Institute. He wasn’t used to not getting what he wanted from others.

But Alec was. What he wasn't used to was being the target of someone’s interest like that… His place had always been in the shadows, watching without drawing attention.

Except Magnus didn't accept that he stayed in the place he'd been used to all his life. No, not when they played it was by the rules of the High Warlock! And on his board, Alec couldn't just be the  _ archer in the shadows _ !

— I had a good feeling I'd see you today, darling! — Magnus said, in his usual seductive tone of voice, staring straight at him, as if seeing his favorite person. — How you doing, Alexander?

— Very well, Magnus — the younger replied, trying to focus on his goal and failing, as it always did. The image of the High Warlock was always so hypnotic that he had no strength against him!

Not that Alec was fooled by the visible charms that attracted him so much to the older man… He tried to keep repeating to himself that Magnus was one of the biggest and most powerful warlocks known and that, like any downworlder, he had a dark side, even if it was impossible to see with his smiles, charming eyes, his so revealing silky clothes, the interesting stories and all the proposals he was always making to take him to a country or to taste the wonderful cuisine of a restaurant.

— You seem distracted today, darling — Magnus observed, looking concerned, leading him to the couch. — Is something worrying you? Are you tired?

Alec went to sit without protest.

— I don't know if I can answer your questions — he admitted, letting his head relax on the back of the couch. — I think I've got a lot on my mind…

The High Warlock fixed his eyes on the archer with a sweet expression of genuine concern, seeing all of him more than anyone else, as if paying attention to details no one had ever noticed before.

— But I didn't come to talk about myself — Alec tried to change his stance, lifting his shields again, even though it was probably useless.

— Too bad, you're my favorite subject! — Magnus said, moving closer to the other. — Maybe we should talk more about you, there's still so much I want to know!

— There is not much to know about me, Magnus. I'm just a shadowhunter.

— Well,  _ shadowhunter _ — the High Warlock emphasized humorously — why did you choose the bow as your signature weapon?

— I didn't. My parents thought I should train until I get good, since I'm not really good with the sword or fighting.

— But did you learn to like the bow?

— I learned not to miss the aim. Or I would have to learn something else.

Magnus nodded with a sad expression.

— I’m sorry, I don't think that's what you expected to hear — Alec regretted what he had said.

— What do you think I expected to hear? — the older asked sweetly.

— That I became an archer because I was inspired by a great shadowhunter I admired and that I do what I do for some noble reason — he explained apologetically.

— And what would be your real reason for  _ doing what you do _ ? — the High Warlock asked interestedly.

— Because it's my job — the other shrugged, unable to think of a better answer.

— I think that makes sense!

— Sorry for not being as interesting as you expected — Alec was sure that now all the interest Magnus had would end by the realization that there is nothing about him to admire. He was like a ghost haunting his own life and nothing had ever been able to make him feel whole. Why would anyone look at him?

— You are  _ incredibly interesting _ to me, Alexander! — Magnus answered, surprising him. — I think it's very interesting to know what led you to do what you do because it's not a reality to me. I had no choice but to do magic, I was just born this way — he joked, producing colorful lights that danced beautifully between his fingers.

— But you had a choice about what to do with your magic! You chose to help people — the archer pointed, without thinking twice.

— You flatter me, darling! But I don't do things with a  _ good heart _ or I wouldn't dare to charge what I do! — the warlock laughed.

— You never charge me anything! — Alec pointed out.

— Because I already feel more than rewarded for having the pleasure of your beautiful company — Magnus answered promptly.

— And I get double paid — the younger said and surprised himself with that answer. He knew that warlock's interest intrigued him and that the whole situation was new and surprising. He felt enveloped in the other's charm, but it was more than that, it was as if every word he heard from Magnus caused a reaction in his body, spreading over his skin and igniting his insides.

— I'm glad you think so — the High Warlock bit his lower lip, causing Alec to lose his concentration. — Sometimes I'm afraid you might not feel comfortable here, darling... Like I've fooled you into keeping me company...

— I don't understand why you like my company as much as you say, but I don't feel “fooled”, or any of that… You are very good at making me forget everything I know!

— Everything you know? — Magnus asked curiously, biting his lip again and getting the same reaction from the other as it had just happened, confirming, to his delight, that the shadowhunter was losing his seriousness too.

— About downworlders, warlocks, about everything they taught me at the Academy… About everything I've ever been sure about myself… I don't think it's fair that you mess with my head that much — he finished, laughing.

— You give yourself so little credit, Alexander! You are not the only one who is completely helpless in this situation! I forget everything I've learned from  _ centuries  _ of experience about shadowhunters and not putting so much of myself in someone's hands, but with you? I just can't help it!

Alec was surprised by that confession.

— It's even more imprudent of me to tell you all this because I know I should be afraid of a shadowhunter who has so much power over me, whom I don't know how far I’d go to make him  _ stay _ — Magnus confessed and was the first time since the archer really believed that this vulnerability he said was real.

— I would never ask you to do anything you weren't comfortable with, Magnus! I promise you!

— I know, Alexander! I think I would try to run away from you if I realized you weren't a person I can trust…

Alec felt his heart tighten just at the possibility of Magnus running away from him, not being able to see him or talk to him, not being able to count with his help… He was sure he would be desperate if he tried to call and Magnus didn't answer him. The shadowhunter reached out and touched his face cautiously, in a gesture neither of them had been prepared to live.

Magnus shifted closer to him on the couch and they fell silent, just enjoying the closeness. Alec didn't know what to do in that situation, he just knew that if that was what the other wanted, that was where he wanted to stay!


	6. I Think He Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I think he knows when we get all alone  
> I’ll make myself at home and he’ll want me to stay”
> 
> Alec is unable to silence his head and focus only on him and Magnus and all the good things that relationship can mean in his life. Why can't he just enjoy that Magnus Bane is kissing him over and over?

Alec didn't know how it happened again and he knew even less how many times it had happened… No one else tried to go and ask Magnus for favors, he was the one who went to Brooklyn, he was the only one who got anything from the High Warlock every time; and his siblings were impressed by his unfailing  _ persuasive power _ .

The archer was the only one who knew it had much less to do with him convincing Magnus and much more to let himself get involved until there was no turning back… And there really wasn't, because as much as the first time he had gone there, the two just talked about their tastes and their lives, the last few times, they talked  _ very little _ !

He didn't know how long it had been since he entered the apartment, but Magnus was sitting in his chair, a glass of whiskey in his hand, sweaty from the icy rocks dissolving slowly in the drink, that inviting, satisfied smile that he wore every time he saw his favorite shadowhunter… And it was enough for Alec to forget the importance of the subject that had brought him there.

They were curled up on the couch, Alec without his jacket and his shirt and Magus on him, joining their lips together so intensely that it seemed like days since the last time they had seen each other. His heart pounding in his chest, like it didn't even when he was on a hunt. With less than half his attention, he tried to control himself so Jace wouldn't be able to realize that he had something going on, but he couldn't even remember how to breathe with Magnus' whole body pressed against his.

He didn't allow himself to think about it, didn't allow himself to try to understand what he was doing. All he knew was that his footsteps already knew their way to Brooklyn alone, and he no longer felt as embarrassed as at first with the way Magnus touched him and made him feel good. That wasn't a feeling he thought he would have in his life, yet here he was, without thinking twice, feeling Magnus' lips against his and wishing he would never have to stop again.

He had never allowed himself to think about his sexuality, as a silent agreement with himself that an unsatisfying life wasn’t the worst thing he could have. But Magnus came into his life like a storm, which took everything out of place and shifted everything he thought was buried deep inside him.

No. A  _ storm  _ seemed so much more violent than wht Magnus had actually done in his life, because everything about him was so kind and careful, as Alec had never had from anyone else. Magnus saw through him and knew exactly what he could do with his caresses, with the way he looked at him. He was sure he knew everything...

The shadowhunter knew he shouldn’t allow himself to have what he wanted that way and knew that now that he had tasted the sweet and delicious taste of freedom, he could no longer live without... He wanted Magnus in a way he couldn't describe, it was exciting, it was forbidden, it was so hard to make it happen…

Every time he set himself to think rationally about them, he freaked out. Did he want Magnus to be his boyfriend? The High Warlock accept such thing? Was that what he wanted too? Would it be too embarrassing to ask? Would anything change between them?

Shadowhunters rarely got involved with downworlders because the problems that politics between the Clave and the Downworld caused in a relationship were hard to ignore. So far, the two had just had no problem because they didn't talk about anything, but that could change if their relationship also changed…

— Alexander? — Magnus turned his face, laughing, looking deep into his eyes. — Do you have your head elsewhere?

— Sorry. I think… My mind has gone far now — he laughed awkwardly.

— There’s a problem? — the High Warlock asked sweetly, kissing his shoulder. — Do you want to talk about it?

— No, it's no problem — Alec assured him, not having the heart to tell the truth about what was on his mind. — I’m really sorry.

— No need to apologize, darling! — the other smiled, caressing his face, gently. — Are you sure you're alright?

— I do — the shadowhunter replied, bringing their faces together again and joining their lips, trying to keep his thoughts focused only on the wonderful sensations of their bodies glued together.

All he wanted was to have that special moment, without his mind getting in the way and creating possible problems that could happen before it does. His life always had so much interference, he didn't want to let his relationship with Magnus go the same way.

— Alexander, you really have your head elsewhere today — the warlock stepped back, laughing and stroking the younger's hair. — There’s no problem if you prefer to talk.

— I don't — Alec said, a little too quickly, causing more laughter from the other. — That's not what I meant...

Magnus sat up, still with his hand on the shadowhunter's thigh, staring at him with a satisfied smile on his face.

— I’m sorry — Alec said again, sitting too. He no longer felt so comfortable shirtless like that.

— Whatever you are apologizing for, you don't have to. You know I just want you to feel comfortable here, nothing more. Here you can be yourself, Alexander! If there's something worrying you, you know you can talk to me, don't you?

— I know — the younger replied, trying not to be angry with himself for creating that situation simply because his mind wasn’t quiet, while all he could ever have was right there.

Magnus stared at him as if he knew exactly what was in his mind, as if he knew better than he what bothered him so much in this situation.

— Would you like to go somewhere else? — the High Warlock broke the silence, realizing the other would say nothing. — We can go anywhere in the world you want! Just ask!

Alec grinned, placing his hand over the warlock's, which was still on his thigh. Magnus always had an idea of somewhere he wanted to take Alec or something different for them to do… They rarely go out together, only when they could go to other countries, and yet the shadowhunter had vivid and terrifying fantasies of bumping into someone who knew his parents and everything ends very badly!

— I really want to stay here, just you and me — Alec said, in the most soft way he could, so as not to be suspicious. — I want you just for me!

Magnus smiled, approaching their faces slightly to give him a peck. As much as the shadowhunter struggled to hide his thoughts, he had the impression that he wasn’t successful at all and the other knew when he was lying.

Not that he was exactly lying, since he really wanted to be there with Magnus and keep it to himself for as long as possible. He wanted this moment to last forever and that they could fix the world so that nothing, not even Alec's worries, could get between them… 

He knew that was almost a childish desire and there was no way to know what Magnus expected for them without talking to him, but all he did now was hope for the best. To hope that they both wanted the same thing and that he had the courage to say something so as not to risk losing it! All Alec could do now was wait...


	7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes  
> It's you and me, there’s nothing like this  
> Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince  
> We’re so sad, we paint the town blue”
> 
> This is definitely not a story where the princess falls in love with the prince! Because Alec can command his castle with his cold frozen heart, fighting with all his power to keep his world the way he knows it, but Clary has been sucked against her will into that world and won’t obey his orders without her agreeing with it!

Clary's world had been turned upside down since she had stumbled upon the Shadow World, which looked like a world where everything was dangerous all the time and made her feel back to high school, strange in her own body and unknowingly all the rules.

Her life had always been her and her mother against the world, and apart from that Jocelyn had lied all her life about her father and hidden all that was swallowing her now, she had given her daughter autonomy and a free head she didn't accept easily that gray world, full of rules and prohibitions.

The Institute was so hostile near the love home in which she grew up, she didn't mind going over those stupid rules to get her mother back and maybe make things back a little as they were. But while Izzy and Jace didn't mind breaking the rules either and helping her, no matter what it cost them, Alec made no effort to make Clary feel any stranger between them and in that new world.

He had that impassive pose, like a heartless prince, who commanded that ice castle, as determined as she was to not let his entire world change and show him how fragile he was in the face of the inevitable.

Izzy was warm and receptive, closer to what Clary was familiar with, while it would be only natural that she didn't want another girl there to try to steal her crown, she didn’t make Clary feel even more lost than she already was.

Jace was mysterious and attractive, his biggest problem has been with Simon from the start, and after all that had happened with Camille and the vampires, she had to accept the fact that he was right and none of that would have happened if she had listened…

But it took longer to see that Alec was right too… They both took longer to stop going against each other like two nature forces and tried to understand each other. For a moment she thought that Magnus' influence had helped the shadowhunter's broken and lonely heart to soften his difficult and rigid posture, but it was only on a cold morning that she really noticed what had really changed.

— Morning, Alec. Any mission for me? — she walked into his office very early, almost as if she hadn't slept.

— Good morning — he looked at her, dropping what he was doing and getting up. — I thought after the Seelie Court mission, you might prefer to have the day off... It was a tough mission, as far as I knew.

— I don't want to think about — she confessed. — Simon is ignoring all my calls and Jace keeps trying to surround me on all sides. I just want to…

— Discounting your anger at something — it wasn't a question, as if he were completely able to understand what she was feeling. — Well, the Institute's biggest team is trying to find Valentine, but there are some spots in town that had demonic activity this morning and need to be contained as soon as possible. Maybe you didn't want to see if you had breakfast already...

— That's all I need — she said humorlessly and he nodded.

— I'll put you on one of the teams, then — he sat back in his chair, focusing on everything on his desk. Only then, she realized that he, too, looked terrible.

— Alec — she called again, and he looked up once more. — What did the Clave said about Valentine's escape? They are not blaming you, are they? They won't get you off the Head of the Institute, will they?

— No. But I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing, since they can decide for another punishment if we don't find Valentine fast enough.

She remembered when he told her in one of her early days that he always expected to be punished when something went wrong. Even when it wasn't his fault...

— I'm going out to patrol the city, and when I get back, I'll focus on finding Valentine — she assured him, getting a little nod before he refocused on his work again.

With a busy day, hunting demons, going to Idris, discovering a new rune and searching for the latest Mortal Instrument, Clary didn't have much time to think about her problems or to think about Alec's again, but she eventually realized that things between them had changed for real.

At other times, he wouldn't let her go out alone without Jace or Izzy with her, making sure she wouldn’t do something reckless. But now he seemed to trust that she would do what she had told him without supervision. She had gained his trust without realizing it. He considered her a shadowhunter now, as good as the others around.

Lying in her bed, sleepless despite her tiredness, Clary realized that she no longer felt like an intruder there, that the runed body was hers, just as the Institute was her home and those shadowhunters were her real family. Even the “broken-hearted prince,” who seemed to prefer to disintegrate her at first, had made room for her in his Shadow World. Their world had changed into one.


	8. Paper Rings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want to drive away with you, I want your complications too  
> I want you dreary Mondays, wrap your arms around me”
> 
> A calm day in the life of the most important couple in the Shadow World, makes Alec realize how much he needs Magnus to stay in his life forever!

Alec awoke in the middle of the night from a dream he could no longer remember the moment his eyes opened. The room was still dark, but he wouldn't move away from Magnus to look at the time on his cell phone. The older was sleeping so profoundly, with his head resting on his chest, so comfortable and peaceful, that he made the shadowhunter smile, watching him breathe, as if that were his true dream!

It had been so long since they had been together, so long since they met and Alec had tried desperately to escape Magnus' cat-and-mouse game that lasted longer than he liked to remember…

He still felt the same effect that the High Warlock had on him the day they met, as if that feeling were the fundamental basis of his being. It wasn't as if he didn't know the older man was interested in him, but Alec knew who Magnus Bane was and it made no sense in his mind that someone like him should get so much attention…

Every time they kissed or when they lay down together to sleep, when his arms wrapped around him as he did now and the older settled snugly against his body, as if totally comfortable with the intimacy that had been born between them, the shadowhunter felt as if his heart was going to explode.

That feeling was so new and so delicious that Alec still had a hard time believing that this was really his life! That this was his boyfriend and that they spent as much time as they could together, made him feel so free and happy!

Everything he ever dreamed for his life was related to his family or work, he had never thought that there would be someone in his life who would take his feet off the ground and make him does care to the consequences, that would change his life and give him the will to make plans, but since he started dating Magnus, Alec could only imagine a place to go and things to do together… 

He had even found himself thinking…

It hadn't been many days ago, he came to the apartment a little earlier. He had had a quiet day at the Institute and everything was under control. He passed a restaurant on the way to bring dinner and surprise his boyfriend.

— Magnus? — he called, leaving the food on the table and hanging his coat as usual.

— You already here! — the older appeared, smiling, coming from his study and approaching to give him a welcome kiss. — And you brought dinner?

— I thought it would be a good surprise since you're always doing things for me — he explained.

— I love it, darling! — he gave him one more kiss, leading them around the room, barely separating. — How was your day?

— It was strangely quiet — Alec said. — We had some situations that weren't difficult to control and I just really needed to focus on the teams that were patrolling. Today, even the Clave has left me alone! — Magnus laughed.

— What a good thing! And your siblings, without any escapes from the line?

— Thanks to the Angel, they both seem to have settled down for good! Izzy has been more responsible since I named her weapons master and Jace doesn't want trouble for his life anymore since everything that happened… Not having to worry about them doing something behind my back gives me peace of mind, that I can even do my duties!

— That’s amazing, darling!

— What about you? How was your day? — they were sitting on the couch, completely leaning against each other, comfortably.

— My day was pretty quiet too, no big fuss, no big spells to do. I spent more time organizing my potions to see which ones I needed to restock!

— Today really deserves to be a day to be celebrated! Who knew we would both have a quiet day? — the shadowhunter joked.

— I totally agree! What do you think of you taking your shower and me packing outside for us to have dinner under the stars?

— How romantic! — Alec gave him one last kiss and stood up. — I'll take a quick shower, okay? — the other nodded, seeing him move towards the room.

In the bedroom, he founded his pajamas and grabbed a towel to enter the bathroom. He didn't even remember the last time he had showered at the Institute. Not even the last time he had slept in his bed… Or considered the Institute his home…

Until then, until Magnus came into his life, the Institute was all he knew, all he had and he wasn’t ambitious to demand more. He wasn’t able to realize when the concept of "home" changed in his mind, when that place he went to at the end of the day and where he could forget the problems of his work had replaced what he had known all his life…

Magnus's apartment was his happy place, his peace! This was where he felt the safest, where he ran when the ground was shifting. Magnus was who he wanted, more and more every day! It was who he'd had all his first experiences with: his first kiss, his first sex, his first fight, his first reconciliation… He was the one who drove him to see new places and try new things…

He was the one who made Alec feel alive! Even with the complications of their lives, even the traumas of their pasts, Magnus was the person he wanted to sleep and wake up next to him all his life!

That realization took him by surprise. Not because it was strange that he wanted to spend his life with Magnus, not even for wanting to marry him, but because of the possibility! Because Alec had always saw marriage as another part of his role as a shadowhunter, because that was how they raised him, and because every time he considered getting married, it would never be for love…

But he wanted to marry Magnus because they both loved each other! He wanted to marry Magnus because he wanted them to be together, to make each other happy, as their days were there! And he was so happy that he would get married that night if his boyfriend accepted!

He hurried out of the shower and changed, walking toward the porch, where the other was already waiting for him, the table set with wine glasses for them and the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

— Chers! — Magnus offered him his glass, sitting opposite each other for dinner.

Alec really wanted to get married that very night, but he remembered how Magnus had told him about marriage and how sad his expression was, he deserved a big proposal, as it would be the first time in his hundreds of years… The shadowhunter was thrilled to be able to provide a first for the man who had given him all his!

Magnus deserved an unforgettable night! A special dinner, champagne, roses… The Lightwood family ring! He deserved everything no one had ever given him and Alec now had the opportunity to be first!

It was hard to contain his excitement, but he worked harder than ever, because he knew Magnus could read him so well that he was able to decipher what he was thinking right away… It was hard to keep his eyes and his statements for another night, because he would marry that minute, needing nothing more than the certainty that their love was everything!

The only thought in Alec's mind as they ate dinner and chatted and drank and kissed as they went to bed was that this was the last time they would do that routine as  _ boyfriends _ !

Still lying, with Magnus asleep in his arms, breathing softly against his chest, Alec smiled, anxious about what he had planned for both of them because he knew that everything he wanted for both of them could be eternal!


	9. Cornelia Street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s the kind of heartbreak time could never mend”
> 
> Alec left his mother's shop before he regretted everything he said and asked Magnus for forgiveness… His heart was also broken and would never be whole again after abandoning the man he loved forever. But what was really important was that Magnus would be whole again because of that.

Alec knew what he had to do and knew how he had to do it… He had spent the night trying to convince himself that it was too much, that it wasn’t necessary, but he knew that this was his heart talking and his heart wouldn’t give up Magnus and the love they felt without fighting…

But he had to! It was because of him that Magnus no longer had his powers, it was because of him that he was so desperate and cryed to slept last night…

Isabelle had asked him if he would be able to recover from the breakup. He knew he wouldn’t, that his heart would never belong to anyone else's, just as he would never forget everything he heard from Magnus, not last night, about how unhappy he was, or that night, when he tried to convince it not to break up...

Walking the streets alone, he felt his heart fall apart, all the places where he looked, images returned to his memory, shouting Magnus’ name and the pain was so intense, that he wanted to run away and never walked that city again.

He knew it needed to be done, Magnus needed his magic and he could never bear the warlock to resent him for giving it up because of him… That was, as he had said, a pain that time could never mend…

In his mind, a movie was playing, since they met until the moment he forced himself to leave his mother's shop. All the sweetest moments of his life had happened because of Magnus and he wanted to hold on to them, he wished that if he had to live forever away from his love, he could keep in his mind how much he had been changed because of the High Warlock, how much he had matured and improved since they met!

The pain in his chest was unbearable and he couldn't even cry; his heart had stopped beating when Magnus begged him not to end their relationship. He felt a hollow, felt dead, still with the bittersweet taste of the last kisses he had of his love on his mouth…

Never in his life Alec imagined he would be in a situation like this. He had spent so many years believing that he could never love and be loved the way he wanted, that he had resigned himself to an unsatisfying life. His greatest ambition has always been to be completely focused only on his work; he never planned to have a family, marry, love someone until the end of his days.

He knew he could never have what he wanted, he could never live that kind of love… And he had settled for it, it wasn't enough to be happy, but it was enough to stay focused. Until Magnus came into your life ...

Magnus showed him how complete his life could be, how happy they could be! He wanted everything he had convinced himself he didn't need. Magnus was everything to him, as he'd told Lorenzo himself, he was his world, his reason for living… It was killing him be a source of suffering for the person he loved most!

When he saw how far the warlock was willing to go to get his powers back, putting his own life in jeopardy and realized that his life together wouldn’t be enough to comfort him, there was no other answer, no way out, no matter how close he had come to weakening. Alec could never be selfish at this point, as Magnus had even pointed. Between his happiness and his beloved’s, he didn't need to think more than a second to sacrifice himself! Not after  _ everything _ the warlock had done for him every time!

The last time he had put as much thought about their relationship had been when they fought because of Magnus box, when he returned drunk to the Institute, still unreconciled that his own mortality would be summed up as an arrowhead in a box, to be remembered occasionally... They would no longer have to go through that now...

His feet weighed against the floor, dragging his footsteps, as heavy as his heart was in his chest... How long it would take before they could no longer avoid having to see each other?

He received a warning from the Institute, which awakened him to his reality. He couldn't get lost in his pain and emptiness, even if he wanted to. Shortly after receiving Jace's warning about Clary releasing Jonathan, he received another alert from the Clave, reactivating the order to kill the Morgenstern siblings if they were found.

His steps hurried toward the Institute, to warn the others and get more information about what happened since he sent Jace and Clary back while he was going to talk to Magnus… He was the Head of the Institute and couldn't let his personal life kept him from doing his job, he would spend the rest of his days making sure the Shadow World could live in peace, even if he couldn't get back what he wanted most...

Alone, in his office, after telling Jace about the breakup, he allowed himself to feel the pain he knew would be with him until the last day of his life, and a glimpse of the future formed in his mind…

Like a puzzle, he saw his own image, much older, gray hair and time scars on his face, looking to the radiant Magnus Bane he had known in his youth, the same man he still loved and with whom he had woken up his happiest mornings, the owner of his heart forever, to whom he had memorized and never forgotten all the smallest details that formed his beauty…

Sad as it was, that image comforted his pain. Magnus had his magic and immortality back, was still beautiful and powerful as ever, and one day he would move on, even if his feelings for Alec no longer existed and even if he only felt for him what he felt for any shadowhunter, at least he was there and was whole again.

Opening the drawer of his desk, Alec took the Lightwood Family ring once more, barely having the nerve to look at it, before putting it in his pocket. This was where he left his happiness, without thinking twice; better to carry his heart forever in his pocket, in a memory, than risk losing forever what was most important...


	10. Death by a Thousand Cuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I see you everywhere, the only thing we share is this small town  
> You said it was a great love, one for the ages,  
> But if the story’s over, why am I still writing pages?”
> 
> Magnus can't understand why Alec broke up with him… They always said they would be forever, but thinking now, how would a mortal and an immortal be together like that?

Magnus didn't know where he was going, all he knew was that the ground beneath his feet seemed to have opened and he was still in the same place, even though the sun had already risen after a whole night of walking.

He couldn't conform, everywhere he looked, he saw bits of that love for which he had agreed to surrender completely, as if it were a thousand blows to his heart.

Alexander had broken up with him… 

And even after Magnus begged him not to leave him, without looking into his eyes, unmoved by his words, unresponsive to his kisses, he hurried out to the street, walking until he disappeared into the night without looking back.

And it wasn't just the memories of the places that were torturing him… He felt the marks of that love all over his body, which were now scars left on his skin, like no other person had ever left him.

Asmodeus had returned his magic, he still couldn't believe it was true, but neither could he make his chest stop hurting… What he'd felt for losing his Alexander, the desperation that he wouldn't feel himself without him anymore… Why couldn't he get comfort when he had it back?

He wanted to scream, wanted to find the strength to fight with Alec, make him explain how he had given them up so easily after all they had been through together? He wanted to know why it was suddenly not worth fighting for him anymore?

But all he could do was ask the shadowhunter not to leave him… Not after he had lost everything, not when he felt so vulnerable… What could he say to convince him to stay? He always seemed to love Magnus in every possible way, as no one had ever done before, if not even that love…

Alec said he would love him forever, that he wanted to remember even the small moments when he was ninety, but was Magnus himself the one that told him that his light might never come back, the light that the younger had told him was the reason to love in him… How would anyone love his broken self if not even he could love?

His magic had returned, but the damage of it absence seemed as irreparable, as distressing as he had felt to find that one and only white cold of his eternity…

Eternity…

Now he was immortal again, time was back on his side. And he could do it all over again, whatever he wished, there was nothing that wasn’t on his reach… Nothing, except Alexander's love…

All the time they had spent together had been so precious, he couldn't understand how it was all over so suddenly, how the ground beneath his feet had become so thin as to collapse into the first crack… He tried desperately to understand, to find what wasn’t fitting, but the pain in his chest was keeping him from being logical, on every new corner he turned, on every question he asked himself, the only answer screaming in his mind was that Alexander didn't want him anymore…

Of course he knew things wouldn't be alright after the scene that he had done the night before, but he had tried to disguise his pain again, tried to promise not to drink anymore... Alexander was unbreakable! But he seemed to want to try to give them a chance, early in the evening, he seemed genuinely worried, what could have changed?

The thought of living without his shadowhunter's love was suffocating him, as he could never have foreseen… He had cried to sleep in his boyfriend's arms and woke up confused and alone, almost 24 hours later, in the bed that had cradled him just because had the heat and the smell of the man he loved… How could those thoughts hurt so much?

His whole being was being shattered by that pain, he was sure that it wouldn’t come fully by the end of that day! Losing Alec was being harder than it had ever been to lose anyone else whoever had made room in his heart, because he had truly believed that they would be forever…

What a foolish thing, with hundreds of years of experience, to believe in one thing so childish… How would a mortal and an immortal be together  _ forever _ ? Not only was it impossible, it was naive, and he knew that they had both hit this before, when Alexander had found his box...

They couldn't be together forever, without one of them giving up a part of his own humanity… And Magnus had sensed in his skin that this was a sacrifice he had failed to accept…

All he wondered was how would he go on, now that it was over? He knew it took a few years to heal his broken heart, a few hundred years in some cases, but he had never felt for anyone what he felt for Alec! He didn't know how to move on, as if the story had reached the last page and he had gotten stuck, wanting to continue… His heart didn't seem to want to move on without the man he loved…

How he would live his eternity stuck with Alec forever? What if the shadowhunter move on? If he married someone? Have a family? What would Magnus do if he kept losing Alec infinitely? What would happen to his heart if he went years without being able to forget it and found that he was gone forever? Without they ever seeing or talking to each other again? Without that love finding them again? Without having lived everything they could live together first?

Alec's mortality was already a pain he was unable to bear, but now, from the perspective of the two not even being together for the next few years… Magnus felt his chest empty, as if his heart was gone…

There is only one thing he could do, how he could live without Alec, and he knew it was an act of extreme despair: he would have to forget everything!


	11. London Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “They say home is where the heart is, but that’s not where mine lives”
> 
> Magnus' life was never the same, he liked to party and go to Pandemonium every night, but now he prefers to stay home and have a nice dinner with shadowhunters who went refuge there, eating and playing and turning his life upside down. But he doesn't care, because he fell in love with a shadow boy!

Magnus had had a quiet day, with no major twists in his High Warlock duties, as a few days used to be… On the other hand, he had no news of his Alexander, his dear “shadow boy”, who made his heart beat harder, like he was a hundred years old again!

Of course all that feeling had surprised him, not because he didn't think it was  _ like him _ to fall in love with Alexander Lightwood. But because he had fallen in love so fast and had worked so hard to win the archer's heart!

He was still caught off guard when he started planning places to take his boyfriend, inventing programs to do together, remembering things he wanted to introduce him to. He was completely lost for Alexander!

It wasn't even night yet when he heard the front door open and was surprised that it wasn't  _ just _ Alexander who had come to his house that day!

— I tried to make them not follow me and go to the Institute, I swear — Alec said, apologizing before saying anything else, which made Magnus laugh. — But we spent the whole day on this hunt and we were really close by...

— Disgusting! — Izzy added with an expression of displeasure.

— Exhausted! — Clary also said, sounding very tired.

— And hungry! — Jace pointed, passing in front of everyone, who were still standing in the entrance of the apartment.

— I'm  _ sorry! _ — Alec finished, facing his boyfriend awkwardly, before approaching him as usual and gave him a kiss.

— It's all right, Alexander! You can stay here tonight! You can use the guest rooms for a comfortable shower and rest — the High Warlock said gently.

— But don’t abuse Magnus’ hospitality, this is not a  _ hotel _ ! — the oldest of the Lightwoods completed as the others walked the halls. — Seriously, I'm sorry about that! I promise I will make it up to you! — Magnus smirked, putting his arms around his boyfriend's shoulders.

— I was going to say that you didn't really have to worry about that, but considering this part about being compensated, I think a little worry never hurts! — the shadowhunter laughed, joining their lips once more, much less restrained than he'd done in front of the other three.

— I think I also urgently need a shower! — he said as they parted and the oldest nodded.

— What do you want for dinner? — Magnus asked, before the other ended the way to the master bedroom.

— It can be something simple, Magnus — Alec smiled at him that sweet smile that could make his legs soften.

He remembered a pub that made baked potatoes that were delicious, so he opened a Portal and came back with dinner before any of them had even gotten out of the shower. He chose a variety of cheeses for filling their potatoes and cooled some black beers that he had also brought with him.

Alec was the first to return to the room, already showered and in his pajamas.

— I say  _ something simple _ and you think of a feast? — he joked, impressed.

— It was no big deal, darling! — Magnus pulled him close. — Besides, I was really planning on getting you to eat those delicious potatoes any day we got the chance!

— Hey, it's not fair Alec to have clean clothes! — Isabelle approached, making her brother laugh. — I tried as best I could, but it doesn't get out ... And he has his pajamas?

— Don't worry, dear! — Magnus snapped his fingers, removing all the ichor from the demons they had hunted that day that was still on the shadowhunter's clothes.

— You're the best, Magnus! — she smiled gratefully, sitting at the table.

— I am, right? — he asked jokingly.

— You really are — Alec agreed, kissing his cheek and sitting down as well.

— Yes, I’m starving, thank you, Magnus! — Jace seemed hasty to sit at the table and Clary soon followed him.

They sat down to enjoy the delicious meal the warlock had brought them.

— Man, I can’t think of anything I don’t miss about the time I lived here — Jace said dreamily, stuffing cream cheese in his mouth.

— It's not that hard to think of something — Magnus joked, making the others laugh.

— You know you miss me too, Magnus! — the shadowhunter answered. — You can't deny that was probably the craziest thing that has happened! We both as roommates!

— You weren't exactly the problem — the other laughed. — But your  _ book club _ ...

— I can't believe you had the nerve to bring someone to Magnus' apartment! — Clary said, horrified.

— With me here too! — Alec remembered.

— While we were still getting to know each other, Biscuit! — the High Warlock completed.

— Can you two not make my situation worse, please? — Jace asked, distressed. — We weren't together back that time, Clary! You were with Simon!

— Still, it's a matter of principle! — the shadowhunter laughed at her boyfriend's despair. — Magnus is a  _ very good _ person for still letting you in get in here ...

— First, Magnus  _ loves  _ me! I'm his boyfriend’s Parabatai!

— What does that even mean? — Alec, Magnus and Izzy asked together.

— Wouldn't  _ you  _ be influenced by how Alec feels about Magnus? — Isabelle pointed out.

— And I am! — Jace answered.

— That doesn't make sense either — Clary said thoughtfully. — Alec always had a problem with me from the beginning! And  _ because _ of Jace!

— I have no problem with you anymore — Alec defended himself, making her laugh. — And in my defense, my problem with you was your disrespect for common safety and rules, it had  _ nothing to do with Jace _ !

— And I don't have to be Parabatai from anyone to love Magnus  _ and _ Clary with my whole heart — Izzy raised her glass to them, who smiled. — It's a real pleasure to share the headaches my brothers give me with you both!

— What?! — Alec and Jace said at the same time, causing more laughter from the other three.

— I don't cause any headache to anyone! — Alec said punctually. — If there's anyone who suffers with headaches caused by others, it's me!

Magnus was lost in his thoughts as the shadowhunters still debated, eating, drinking, and laughing at the table, lighting a living flame in his home. Outside, it had started to rain and he was glad they had come there after the day they had, the last thing they needed to do was get back to the Institute under a storm like the one that was forming.

Never in his hundreds of years would he think he would be happy for the well-being of four young shadowhunters who took shelter at the end of a long day in his apartment like that. As much as they were joking and teasing, Jace wasn't wrong, Magnus liked and cared about him! And for Isabelle and Clary too! And not just for his relationship with Alexander!

The night stretched a little beyond dinner, when everyone was completely satisfied, and despite their tiredness, they sat together on the couches and talked, as rare as they could do.

— Good night, Magnus! — Izzy was the first to get up to go to sleep, giving a kiss on his cheek and one on her older brother.

— Good night, Magnus! — Clary took the cue, also giving him a kiss on the cheek and going to the bedroom.

— Good night, Magnus! — Jace said, exaggerated, hugging him, laughing. — Thanks for taking me in one again! You are the best!

— Good night, Jace — the High Warlock laughed, watching him walk away toward the rooms as Alec rolled his eyes. — You can even suspect with so much love... — he joked, also going to the room with his boyfriend.

— Not that I  _ love _ sharing you with others, but you're the most wonderful person in the world, so I don't find it strange that they love you!

—  _ Most wonderful in the world _ , huh?— he approached his boyfriend, hugging him and sealing their lips.

— But nobody loves you more than me! — Alec assured him, tightening his arms around his waist.

— Good!


	12. Soon You'll Get Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You make the best of a bad deal  
> I just pretend it isn’t real  
> I’ll paint the kitchen neon,  
> I’ll brighten up the sky”
> 
> Alec and Jace don't know what to do now that their mother has been judged by the Clave to lose her runes and be exiled. How do mundanes manage to live like that?

Alec saw behind his mother's mask how she was feeling, because he knew his fear was pretty small near hers…

It was late at night and he had stayed at the Institute instead of returning to Magnus’, to finish some reports he needed to send to Clave, but the anger he was feeling was deconcentrating him… His whole life has always been about obeying the Law and faithfully serving the Clave, as his parents taught him.

The first time the Clave lost strength over his loyalty was when they sued Izzy for helping Meliorn escape, threatening to derune and exile her if the Mortal Cup wasn’t returned. She had been saved and he resigned again, but the crack was already there.

The second time was when they arrested Jace and punished him for believing he was working with Valentine, unfairly placing him in the City of Bones and making him to leave the Institute, even after his innocence has been proven. Injustice had turned to be more part of the Law he upheld than he liked to admit.

But now, he was facing, with no power to change the situation, the Clave punishing his mother for mistakes she had made many years ago, for crimes she had already been forgiven, which she had been repairing with service and sacrifice for years. Because the Clave hadn’t realized that it had welcomed more disloyal rats than it had imagined and placed one of them as Consul.

He felt powerless to remain loyal to an ideal that only hurt those he loved most. All he needed at that moment was that none of this was real, because just the thought of his mother alone and unprotected, starting over her life in the mundane world, terrified him as if he were once again a little boy scared of the future.

Alec had always tried to be the perfect son, obeying all his parents' orders and never stepping outside the line. His father had always made him feel that his efforts were never enough, but his mother, however rigorous she had always been, saw in him all the potential he had, even in his moments of insecurity.

Unaware of where his footsteps were taking him, he went to the top of the Institute, where he could feel far away from everything inside, could be alone and invisible and be nobody but him.

The city below seemed so much more dangerous and frightening than before, making him feel a fear he had never experienced, as if the world had fallen into an unknown and suffocating darkness.

— I thought I was going to have to go to Magnus' after you — he heard Jace's voice and turned to his brother. — But something told me to come here first.

— Sorry — Alec couldn't think of anything else to say. — Was you already sleeping?

— No — the younger said, approaching, and they sat together looking at the city lights. — Do you want to talk?

— I don't know... — the other admitted, looking up at the sky.

— You know, I remember when we were kids and Maryse sang that bedtime song — Jace said, knowing exactly what was bothering his brother. — Keeps playing in my head, over and over now...

— I remember — Alec agreed. — _I have loved you for so long, that I'll never forget you…_ — he sighs. — Jace, I don't know what to do.

— You do, you always know what to do, Alec!

— Not this time, I can't find a way out, I feel so lost right now. I can't accept the Clave is going to exile our mother and we can't do anything! And I hate myself because I didn't want to do this is about me, because she's already suffering enough… But I feel so helpless! And I just feel worse staying as Head of this Institute, obeying the Clave and...

— I don't know what to do either — Jace admitted. — I wanted to go over there and tear down Alicante with my own hands until there is nothing left of the city… But I know this won’t help at all!

They both fell silent again, just watching the night and the city, lost in thoughts.

— Do you know if it hurts? — Jace asked, breaking the silence. — Removing the runes?

— I have no idea — his brother admitted. — I hope she doesn't feel anything...

— What will she do? I was trying to think about mundanes lives, but I really know so little… Even after Clary…

— We can see if there's somewhere around so we can always be with her — Alec replied, also not quite sure what her mother's life would be like among the mundane.

— She's so strong, but I didn't want her to have to prove it that way…

— I wanted to pray to the Angels, but I don't know what to ask...

— Yeah, I've been trying to pray too — his Parabatai said. — I think that's why the song she sang doesn't get out of my head...

— She asked me not to make it harder — Alec said thoughtfully. — If I could, I would go through it in her place!

Jace put a hand on his shoulder.

— I think all of us would do it without thinking twice! Would be easier!

— Yeah...

— What we can do is stay with her, Alec, take care of her, just as she took care of us! I think that's all — Jace said.

— The Clave is so unfair...

— Then make it fair! If there's anyone who can do it, it's you! — Alec looked at his brother in surprise. — Maybe we can't stop them from taking our mother's runes, but if she doesn't want us to rebel against the Clave, we can try to change how the Clave decided things once and for all! Look what you already got, being Head of the Institute!

— You might be right...

— I know I'm always right! — Jace said smugly, more like his normal. — Things can be fair if you are giving the cards! As for our mother, I think you're right, if we can keep her around, we'll be able to take care of her, help her… Maybe we'll even learn more about mundanes — Alec laughed.

— Yeah, all we have to do is wait and pray for the best — the older said resignedly, looking out over the city, still with that terrifying feeling in his chest.

— Come on, let's go in! Magnus will be mad at me if you spend a night at the Institute and get a cold! — Jace joked, trying to relax his brother, who laughed and agreed to enter.

The night seemed even darker outside as they walked in, still trying to find the answers to the questions that had been left in the air, trying to keep alive the hope that they could take care of their mother and that she would be all right, looking for a way to clear the sky over their heads again… All that was left was to wait!


	13. False God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know heaven’s a thing  
> I go there when you touch me, honey  
> Hell is when I fight with you”
> 
> Alec and Magnus have a big fight after a mission, but things between them are not so easily shaken that way.

It was supposed to be an easy mission, no big deal, nothing they hadn't done a million times, their entire lives… But Alec had risked a little more than he should, and if Magnus hadn't gone with them, a second later and the shadowhunter wouldn't have come back that night.

— How could you be so reckless? — the High Warlock finally said as they entered the apartment, having been silent all the way while they were still accompanied by Jace, Izzy and Clary.

— I miss calculate — the younger replied, as if that was a justification his boyfriend would accept.

— Is that how you do in mission with your siblings when I don't go with you? — Magnus accused, sounding out of control.

— You know I don’t!

— And what's on your mind, I still want to understand! You looked like an inexperienced shadowhunter and not the Head of the Institute!

— You won't let me see the end of this, will you? I made _a_ mistake, that's all — Alec replied, without patience.

— Was that _just_ a mistake for you? — the older repeated. — It almost cost your life, Alexander! Don't you care about that?

— I always risk my life, Magnus! I'm a shadowhunter, it's my job!

— I hate when you do that...

— When I do what? My job?

— Justifies being stupid and reckless! Is this the value you give to your life? — Magnus lost his temper completely.

— Not everyone has the privilege of living forever or holding a Portal for safety at their fingertips! It must be great to have an escape plan always up your sleeve!

— What do you mean by that? — the warlock asked, sounding dangerously offended.

— I meant I shouldn't have come here — Alec turned his back furiously, put his jacket again and walked out the door, completely ignoring his boyfriend's protests.

The night was already dark, but Magnus knew he couldn’t sleep. He made himself a drink and stared out the window, breathing deeply, trying to calm his spirit. There was nothing he hated more than fighting with Alexander, but he had been so terrified of how close to losing him he had come that night that he couldn't control himself.

Falling in love with a shadowhunter really have to be like that? He didn't like the bitter taste that relationship could leave in his mouth… Maybe believing that they could work out their differences and make it work was an illusion that had begun to fade…

He didn't know how long he had been standing there, but the sound of the front door caught his attention, causing him to turn and face Alexander.

— I couldn't leave — the shadowhunter confessed, his voice choking. — I’m so sorry, Magnus! For being stupid, reckless and for saying all that! I'm really sorry! I should thank you for saving my life today…

Magnus walked over to him, determined, making his drink disappear by the time they were both close enough for him to hold his boyfriend and bring him in for an almost desperate kiss, which was matched without hesitation by the other, who pulled at his waist, pinning him against his body.

— Never scare me like that again! — the older said, still holding his face in his hands and kissing his mouth, at each word.

— I promise! — Alec agreed, with a smile, getting lost again in the delicious lips of his boyfriend, making them walk to their room.

They both began tearing off their clothes anxiously and tossing on the bedroom floor, marking their way to the bed, as in their first time, wanting to be together at once and wishing to enjoy every second they could share.

Alec looked anxious, pulling his boyfriend to stand over him and kissing him as if it had been a long time since the last time. His lips skimmed over Magnus' skin with adoration and desire, as if he were determined to mark with his kisses every inch of his beloved's body.

They understood each other so well under the sheets, their bodies recognized and fit so tightly, so lovingly that they could spend hours there in the comfortable warmth they shared every time they got together.

Magnus already knew his boyfriend's body as the palm of his hand, where he liked to be touched, how he liked to be kissed, and how he felt more pleasure. It was simply irresistible to have him lying on the bed, moaning his name in his husky voice, rolling his eyes and gripping the sheets tightly.

When they were together, the whole world seemed to dissolve completely outside and it was all about them together on the bed, consumed by pleasure. Magnus lay down beside his shadowhunter, breathing heavily, barely able to open his eyes.

Neither of them said anything or even moved for a while, catching their breath, admiring the ceiling with their blurred visions and confused minds, trying to rebuild again after what they felt. How grateful they were for all the times they could be together like this.

— I love you, Magnus! — Alec said, still in his husky voice, turning to his boyfriend and leaning on his chest, to be able to look in his eyes, admire the amber hue so beautifully feline eyes of the man he loved when he wasn't hiding his warlock mark with glamor. There was nothing the shadowhunter would love more than make the High Warlock lose control like that forever. 

— I love you too, Alexander! — Magnus said, moving his arm so that he could pull the body of the younger to his, holding his face by the chin gently, to leave a peck on his lips, which was matched with a smile.

— I hate it when we fight… But I love it when we make up — Alec said, with satisfaction in his voice, kissing his boyfriend again, passionately.

— I don't like it when we fight either — the older man agreed as they parted ways. — I'm so afraid of losing you, Alexander — he confessed, his heart pounding. — I don't think I've ever wanted to protect someone as much as I want to protect you!

Alec sank his face into his chest, kissing his skin, still trying to apologize.

— I want to protect you too — he said. — I want to take care and love you for every day of my life! — Magnus stroked his hair gently. — I want to be good to you, as you are to me!

— You are my paradise, darling! — Magnus said, kissing him again. — I didn't think I was worthy of paradise until I met you — the other smiled in love.

— You are my paradise too, Magnus! And all I want is to live like this with you!


	14. You Need to Calm Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sunshine on the street at the parade  
> But you would rather be in the dark ages”
> 
> Alec is not happy that Lorenzo doesn’t like Magnus. But so many things have changed since the warlock is on this Earth, that he is no longer surprised by anything, maybe even this will end differently...

Of all the things Alec couldn't understand in the world (and that included the mundanes, his siblings, most of the time, and the way Clary's mind worked) the thing he would never, ever be able to understand was Lorenzo Rey had against Magnus!

It was absurd for him that someone didn't like his boyfriend! Magnus was so kind, charismatic, generous and caring for everyone who appeared at his door, always ready to help anyone, to find a solution or simply to listen… The warlock was always dedicated to the last drop of his magic to all who resorted to him!

But Lorenzo despised his boyfriend (and apparently Alec himself, consequently) with an intensity that bothered him a lot! And he wasn't exactly the direct type, he would say here and there until reached Magnus's ears, but face-to-face were always forced smiles and empty words…

Magnus either didn't understand or couldn't remember if anything had happened that triggered Lorenzo's disaffection. Something could have happened centuries ago that might not have mattered to him, but to the other... But they avoided each other as much as they could, unwilling to change that situation.

It wasn't as if Alec wasn't used to crooked glances, since he had to live with them every day inside the Institute since he'd kissed Magnus in front of everyone, and it had only gotten worse when he became Head of the Institute. But he expected this from other shadowhunters, unfortunately. He knew he would be excluded, and he was ready to face this situation, even if it hurt him deeply, even if it was a new and intense pain, every day.

But he was used to seeing others worshiping Magnus, treating his boyfriend with the affection the shadowhunter believed he deserved and devoted to him. More than once, he had the urge to force Lorenzo's mind, to make sure that he had nothing wrong with him.

— Alexander, darling — Magnus said, laughing when he had confessed to him that, they were still lying on the bed before he had to go to the Institute, enjoying the morning together. — Some people just can't be sunshine in other people's lives! I believe Lorenzo is one of those people and even if you open his head and put some reason there, it won't change it!

— I can’t be okay with him speaking of you like that! He doesn't liking you is absurd to me! — Alec said, bothered, making his boyfriend laugh once again and hug him, affectionately.

—  _ Snakes and stones could never hurt me,  _ Alexander — the older assured him, kissing his cheek.

— "Snakes and stones"? — he repeated, frowning. — It wouldn’t be "sticks and stones"? And that still makes no sense, Magnus! If someone throws a  _ rock  _ at you, of course it hurts! — the warlock laughed.

— Sometimes I forget that you don't keep up with the pop divas' releases, darling! Not even to try to understand my references, this is the real tragedy! — the younger rolled his eyes. — But what I mean is Lorenzo can think whatever he wants and talk bad about me to anyone who wants to listen, what I have to do is ignore him, as I've been doing for the last few centuries!

— I can never understand dealing with someone else's tantrum for more than a lifetime... — Alec sighed tiredly, making his boyfriend laugh once again.

— After all I've been through, Alexander, someone's  _ tantrum  _ seems smaller than it should be to you, for sure. I lived in the Dark Ages, you know. And although I know other people who lived, still exist many who haven't, but who seem to have come straight from it into the 21st century, like nothing has changed…

— How exhausting… — the younger sank into his boyfriend's arms, getting comfortable.

— It's really exhausting, darling! But the good part is that we can also enjoy the wonderful achievements of the last centuries we have now and that fifty, sixty years ago wasn't even possible!

— It's a little more optimistic to look at this point — the other pondered with a smile.

— Darling, less than a century ago, you couldn't even have dinner at a table with me, not because I couldn't be your  _ boyfriend _ , but because I'm a warlock! Lie with me? If anyone found out… Well, you know what would happen to us — Magnus kissed the top of his boyfriend's head, trying to dispel the terrible memories of those dark times. — As much as I like to hear about how much Lorenzo's childish attitude boils your angelic blood — Alec laughed — I think there's a way  _ much _ better to enjoy our morning together!

— _Much_ _better_?

— Much, much better! — the oldest assured.

— You know how to earn my interest, Mr. Bane! — the shadowhunter joked and his boyfriend changed their positions on the bed, getting over his body, staring at him, excited.

— Let's see how long I can keep your interest, Mr. Lightwood! — he leaned down, parting his lips passionately, thrilled by all the possibilities he had remembered that very morning that he could enjoy with his boyfriend!

Having lived so long, Magnus had known the worst in the world, experienced dark days and all kinds of prejudices he could remember… He had lost so many precious people by those same prejudices, so many people who wouldn't live the same as him and who deserved to have seen the world change!

The world was still a dark place where most people had to fight daily for the right of be who they were because of a minority who still believed they were dictating the rules. But he was positive about the steps that had been taken toward the light! He had had the opportunity to see the world change, at least a little, taste that change in his own skin. Who would say that one day he would be in a relationship with a Head of an Institute? A shadowhunter from a traditional family like the Lightwoods? Surely he wouldn't!

So Lorenzo didn't bother him like it did with Alexander! He had seen so much, had lived so long, that he knew things had the importance you thought they deserved.

If Lorenzo Rey wanted to spend eternity seeing that he was a despicable warlock for whatever reason gave him that impression, It wasn't something that would worry Magnus.

But the world was always changing and surprising, maybe one day the two of them would finally get along once and for all and end up with great friends?

Anything was possible!


	15. Afterglow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tell me that you’re still mine  
> Tell me that we’ll be just fine  
> Even when I lose my mind”
> 
> The thing that Alec is most afraid of is finding out that he is not the right person for the love of his life. What can he do to win Magnus back, if he has no idea what the High Warlock saw in him in the beginning?

Alec knew how Magnus would feel when he discovered he lied about the Soul Sword, he knew it and yet he had obeyed the Clave's orders blindly, hoping his boyfriend would forgive him, as he had always done… But Magnus hadn't only been disappointed this time. He was really furious!

Seeing his betrayed expression wounded the shadowhunter's heart. In the eyes of his boyfriend, he had seen the seriousness of his actions… After what had happened, with him being tortured in Valentine's body, Alec had promised to fix things, but he had just set fire into their relationship and he didn't think anything could be reborn from the ashes.

He had never had a relationship before and thought his lack of experience was the worst he could bring with him, but, alone in his office, after Magnus told him that they could no longer be together, the shadowhunter doubted anyone ever had wrong as much as him!

Magnus deserved someone who didn't hurt him so much, someone who didn't put him in that position between choosing his relationship or the Downworld… The High Warlock was the best person Alec knew, sweet, kind and caring, who just deserved to be loved and adored all the time. All he wanted was to be that person; his heart couldn't stand the possibility of being the wrong person for the love of his life!

He wanted to talk to Magnus, to swear that he would never hide anything from him again, to beg for one more chance, to promise that he would use all his strength to make him happy at all costs… Alec knew he wasn't able to live without his love and he couldn't remember how he survived before they met!

All he wanted was a chance to still have Magnus' heart, to still be the person his boyfriend wanted by his side! He didn't want to have to get used to the situation where they would only formally see each other when the  _ High Warlock of Brooklyn _ responded to the shadowhunters' call for help and save the day.

The feeling between them was still there, he could see the way Magnus looked at him, how he was still hurt… But Alec was terrible at fixing things, he didn't know what to say or what to do, it was like he was completely lost, wondering if he really was able to make his boyfriend feel what he felt in that relationship.

How many times Alec had wondered what someone like Magnus Bane had seen in him? What did he have that could interest the High Warlock, make him truly fall in love? He never doubted that his boyfriend loved him, but how many times had he doubted himself to have what the other thought was  _ lovable _ ?

All his life, Alec has only learned to doubt himself, even though Jace, Izzy, and Max trusted him without thinking twice, he always knew he would never be good enough. He was walking a tightrope, trying his best not to miss the aim, even if he fell… Hit the target was his duty, not luck!

Magnus could see so much more about him that he almost believed that there was more to appreciate, in his personality shaped by the shadowhunter's life; but in his empty room, without the love of his life, he couldn't see anything. There was nothing and he had destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to him… He was just a shadowhunter who had dreamed too big of having someone as wonderful as Magnus Bane!

Everyone was celebrating the victory against Valentine in the Hunter's Moon, downworlders and shadowhunters, as it always should be, as Alec dreamed the world was! Luke was enthusiastic, pouring champagne for everyone and vampires and werewolves seemed to have given a truce with each other too, everything seemed to be heading for a much deserved peace.

Jace still seemed very strange to him after what happened, and despite all the celebration and relief that Valentine was dead, in his brother's eyes he looked even worse, consumed by a sadness that was alive in their Parabatai bond. As long as he was still dodging about what had really happened on Lake Lyn, the eldest would leave him alone, at least that night of celebration; they would have time to talk.

At that moment, Alec had eyes only for Magnus, as if around the High Warlock emanates the brightest light, which set him apart from everybody! The shadowhunter had been concerned about the exhaustion that closing the rift for Edom had done on the other, he wasn't even sure if the eldest would go to that party, but seeing him there gave hope to his heart.

Magnus was so handsome, leaning against the pillar, his drink in hand, still looking tired and a little distant from everyone, but so beautiful that Alec felt breathless. More than once, their eyes met, sending a chill through the shadowhunter's body, making his heart race faster.

Alec wanted to talk to him, wanted to try to get things right, and if there was a chance, he wanted Magnus back! He wished he could love him with all his heart, with all the strengths of his being, wanted to be worthy of that man and devote himself to him for the rest of his life! How he wished to have some talk skills so that he could correctly express everything he felt!

He wanted to ask if Magnus was okay, wanted to know if the exhaustion of his magic was over. He wanted to take care of that man, and even though Alec needed him more than the other way around, he wanted to protect him too, to hold him when he felt weak and admire him in each of his most glorious moments! He wanted to be worthy to be by Magnus Bane's side! If only he would take him back!

Alec was never much of a believer in signs, even though his work was a service to the Angels, using the runes that the Angel Raziel had given them to face the demons, he believed much more in the service that should be done by those who had how to do it. But that night, whether or not influenced by Raziel's actual invocation after so many centuries, he let himself be guided by the signs.

Magnus was standing, drinking alone, with a purple glow that seemed to come from outside lightening his face, and even though the bar was crowded, the way between them was completely free so Alec could approach him without any interference... He thought it was really a sign!

So he took a sip of his beer, taking a deep breath, and even though he had no idea if he would give him one more chance or not, he took the courage to try something, to try to repair his mistake, at least!

Each step seemed to echo through the room, as well as his heart pounding in his chest, but he calmed down as soon as he saw Magnus noticing his approach and not trying to dodge him. Maybe Alec really started to believe in signs now!


	16. ME!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When it comes to a lover, I promise that you’ll never find another like me”
> 
> Magnus is tired of Alec only looking for him when he needs his services. Maybe the shadowhunter needs a final call to decide what he wants them to be!

Magnus knew that Alexander had been interested in him just as he had been interested in the shadowhunter, even though he was focused on his quest to escape and seem uninterested.

Not that the High Warlock was desperate for company, because he had spent the last century well without being deeply interested in anyone, but it seemed to be a terrible waste if they ignored completely that immediate attraction they felt! How many people were lucky enough to bump into this, during their lives? Magnus had lived long enough to know that not too many!

Of course the shadowhunter could get involved with anyone he wanted, but keeping locked in the closet all his life while he could have _Magnus Bane_ just for him? Perhaps the youngest really needed help if he was thinking of missing that opportunity.

Magnus knew he wasn't exactly easy going, he was hundreds of years old and far more experienced than Alec, many relationships in his past and ghosts haunting his path, but he always gave himself up completely when he wanted someone and there was no one who could compete with him.

— I had a good feeling I'd see you today, darling! — Magnus said, smiling as he opened the door and his shadowhunter was standing there, embarrassed as usual. — How you doing, Alexander? — he allowed him in, pleased.

— Very well, Magnus — the younger answered, as usual, even if it wasn't true, the warlock had already noticed.

— And what can I do for you this beautiful morning? Have you had breakfast yet?

— Yes, Magnus, thank you. I already had breakfast at the Institute. We need your help to identify a kind of demon that has been invading the city constantly and that has given us a lot of trouble.

— I see… — the warlock gave a disappointed expression, nodding. — You need my services. Wait a minute, I'll change and we can leave, yes? — he didn't wait for an answer and walked away to his room.

— Magnus? Wait… — Alec followed after him, entering the High Warlock's room. — Are you okay? What did I do wrong?

— What do you mean? — he asked, turning back to face him.

— You look... Disappointed... You didn't even try... I mean, you didn't even insist... We never go immediately to the Institute. Did I say something wrong?

Magnus stared at him. Of course he hoped his shadowhunter would have that reaction, but he didn't want everything to be a game between them, just to have an effect.

— You came here after my services, I will promptly respond to your request. Isn't that what you always come for? _A magic solution to your problems?_ Perhaps I should dress like a genie and grant you three wishes, Mr. Lightwood. So we would dot the I’s and cross the T’s at once in our strictly professional relationship.

Alec blinked, unsure what to say.

— Do you agree that _genie clothes_ are appropriate for the occasion? Or does the Institute have sensitivities to _very colorful clothing_ too? Perhaps I should wear a formal three-piece and talk to shadowhunters only if they talked to me. Is this the eighteenth century again?

— Magnus, I'm sorry… — the younger tried to say, surprised by that reaction.

— What are you apologizing for? I owe you an apology for expecting that a shadowhunter would come to me at least _once_ to see me and not because a _rare and unknown kind of demon_ is making your work harder… Forgive me, _Mr. Lightwood_ for believing in the fantasy that _you_ could look forward to being in my company as I long for yours! _It will not be repeated_!

— No, Magnus — Alec said, his clear eyes sparkling with despair. — I don't know what I said, but it wasn't what I wanted you to understand... You're always so... I was never good at speaking... I thought you didn't wait... — he fumbled at the words, getting frustrated.

— You thought what? — Magnus pressed him for the first time since they met, and contrary to what he expected, the shadowhunter looked resigned and walked toward him.

— I don't come after a _magic solution_ for my problems, I come after _you_! Sorry I gave you the wrong impression — he said gently, stopping right next to the High Warlock. — I want you to do what you want to do and dress the way you like to dress and be happy when I come here, as usual!

— It turns out that what I _want to_ do when you come here is not that simple — Magnus replied in his usual soft tone and that made the shadowhunter relax, smiling contentedly.

— I understand — he said, taking a deep breath and bringing their faces closer, kissing him suddenly, unsure of what he was doing, or if he was doing something wrong.

Magnus wanted that kiss so much, but was still taken by surprise by his shadowhunter's attitude, making his heart flutter; when the younger decided to push them away, he laced his fingers behind his nape, preventing him from ending the kiss so quickly and Alec smiled, gently holding him waist.

— Sorry — the younger said, when they really needed to part to breathe.

— Why are you apologizing, darling? — Magnus asked fondly, still caressing the back of his neck.

— Should I have asked you before I would do that? — he asked worriedly.

— You already knew my answer, Alexander, wasn't that what gave you the security to give me this delicious kiss? — the High Warlock said seductively.

— Was it delicious? — he asked, surprised.

— Didn't you find it delicious too?

— _I_ did! But you have a lot more experience than me, so it could have been… — he shrugged awkwardly.

— Believe me, darling, _your_ kiss is unique to me and there's nothing I want more than to kiss _you_! What do you say?

Alec chuckled smugly.

— We don't have to go to the Institute anytime soon...


	17. It's Nice to Have a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Have my back, yeah, every day  
> Feel like home”
> 
> Magnus finds out that when you marry the love of your life, you also have to take his Parabatai home. Well, not necessarily, but sometimes he will come and stay there all day, entertaining the children!

Magnus woke up on his bed, wondering at the absence of his Alexander by his side, but he was constantly called to the Institute at the most inconvenient times, perhaps a situation the High Warlock must get used to.

He put on his robe and left the room, hearing noise coming from the kitchen. Not _much_ noise, just enough to make him suspicious.

— You have to be quiet, guys, your Papa is still sleeping — he heard Jace Herondale's voice, sounding amused and muffled giggles. — Your turn, Blueberry, what do you want with your pancakes?

— _Blueberry_ , uncle Jace — the younger replied, as if it were obvious.

— What a silly question of mine — Jace laughed, serving the pancakes on a plate and handing it to his younger nephew. Rafe was sitting next to his brother and was already eating pancakes with cream and chocolate chips. — Then we can eat waffles!

— What festival is this? — Magnus approached, surprising them.

— Good morning, Papa! — Max and Rafael hugged their father, affectionately and he gave them a kiss on the top of their heads.

— Good morning, Magnus! — Jace smiled at him, handing him a cup of coffee.

— What are you doing here, Jace? — he asked, accepting the cup offered to him.

— Ouch! I thought I was welcome here! Do you want pancakes too? We had a _huge_ appetite for breakfast today!

— Yes, please — the High Warlock answered, sitting beside his sons.

— Papa likes it with bananas, uncle Jace — Max said excitedly.

— Bananas then — the shadowhunter served him, pleased, with a friendly smile.

— Where is your brother? — Magnus finally asked as he received his plate and his brother-in-law sat opposite him.

— He had to hurry to Alicante — Jace explained calmly. — I'm not sure why, but we know how things there… Are urgent — he said thoughtfully, looking worriedly at his nephews, who were also paying attention. — He told me about how tiring yesterday was for you and how he planned to stay home to take care of the boys and let you rest. And I came to cover him! — the blond finished proudly, putting a huge piece of pancake with syrup in his mouth, making his nephews laugh.

— Is this your day off? — the older asked, intrigued.

— Clary, Izzy, and Simon will cover me if anything happens — he explained. — But I'll need you to go over some of the house rules with me, because Max and Rafe told me we can only eat candy and watch cartoons and play with all the toys in here...

— I'm afraid they've told you all the rules — Magnus laughed and his children celebrated.

— As long as there's any _duck_ involved, that's fine with me! — Jace laughed too, winking at his nephews, who laughed heartily.

They had a big breakfast together, eating until they got stuffed, and as soon as they were done, Max and Rafael ran to their rooms to get their toys and bring them into the living room.

— I'm just going to help your Papa with the dishes here and I'm going— Jace said to his nephews, clearing the plates with Magnus.

— Now between us, Jace — the High Warlock said softly, looking to make sure the boys weren't coming back yet. — How serious is what your brother went to solve?

— Not much, I hope — the shadowhunter answered honestly. — He told me it was just a diplomatic thing and assured me he didn't need me to go along, but we know how diplomatic matters can evolve quickly in any sense.

— It's always great that you have the Parabatai bond, so we know if he's ok. Anything, I'll send you in a second to Alicante — Magnus said, always too distressed by the missions his husband had to go on. — Do you think that's why he asked you to stay here?

— No, he really told me to entertain the kids as much as possible for you to rest — Jace smiled. — And I'm committed to my mission! — the older laughed.

— Sometimes I forget that what I'm used to seeing is just your mask — Magnus joked. — I really wanted to test the limits of your connection with your brother someday, see what you two do for each other!

— Believe it or not, Magnus, but I would be here, you married to my Parabatai or not! I love my brother very much, but it's not just because you make him _one of the happiest people in Shadow World_ — Jace tried to mocking but wasn't very successful — that I'm here! You would still be stuck with me!

— Oh no! — the High Warlock laughed.

— Uncle Jace! Uncle Jace! — Rafe and Max shouted excitedly, surprising them.

— That’s my call, excuse me! — the shadowhunter went into the living room and sat on the floor with his nephews, surrounded by many toys. — How did these little arms bring all this here at once? Did you use a Force rune? Maybe a Speed rune? — he tickle Rafael, making him laugh. — What about you? Are you already making things fly so you don't have to carry it anymore? — he shifted Max, lifting him off the floor and sitting him on his lap.

— We are very strong! — Max answered.

— And very fast! — Rafe completed.

— I'm seeing! And what are we going to play first? You'll have to teach me everything, uncle Jace only knows how to fight, which will only be really fun when you are bigger!

Magnus laughed, seeing his children sharing his uncle's attention. They were completely entertained all morning and the warlock did get some rest, though he couldn't sleep until Alexander sent him a message that everything was okay and he would be back for dinner.

It was a very cold day, and after lunch Jace snuggled on the couch with his nephews, with a warming blanket, to watch cartoons, as much as the three of them could handle without stopping!

When it started to get dark, uncle Jace managed to convince the two boys to go to the shower before dinner, to surprise Daddy when he arrived, which was a real deal, because they had already reached the stage of doing everything not to shower.

— Don't you want to be daily responsible for their shower, _Uncle Jace_? — Magnus joked. — You can even move back here if you want to...

— Tempting, but I don't know if I can handle this routine every day... There are some cartoons of this afternoon that my brain is still trying to make sense... — the warlock laughed.

They heard the front door open and the two boys rushed to greet their father, who bent down to receive their hugs and hear how their day went with Uncle Jace at home.

— Everything in the same place? — Alec joked, looking around as he approached his brother. — Are you getting old?

— With Magnus here, I don't have the courage to use my full potential — he shrugged.

— Thanks for covering me! — the older put the children down and squeezed his brother's shoulder gratefully.

— It was a pleasure!

— Dinner is served, come to the table — Magnus pulled his children and could finally welcome his husband with a kiss. — You too, Jace, your plate is already on the table! — he said, before the other made a move to leave.

— Can Uncle Jace sleep here, Daddy?

— Can he sleep in my room?

— His room is still available if he wants to!


	18. Daylight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve sleeping so long in a 20 year dark night and now I see daylight  
> I only see daylight”
> 
> Alec can’t have patience when Simon loses his concentration looking at his sister. But the daylighter is no longer afraid to say any stupid thing that comes into his head and the shadowhunter doesn't know who to blame for all that confidence!

It wasn’t easy being Simon Lewis. He always had thought this, all his mundane life, not imagining that one day he would look back with a sad smile, wishing more than anything for the hardship he was used to.

Being a vampire was far from as fun as graphic novels made it sound, being a daylighter was easier to manage, but it had turned out to be even more risky…

Isabelle was a refreshment in his existence that he wouldn't expect to have and that it was still hard to believe that something so good had ever really happened to him since he discovered the Shadow World. She was truly the breaking dawn in that shadow place that had swallowed him.

—  _ Lewis _ ! — Alec's grumpy voice (at least when he spoke his name) woke him and he turned his eyes away from his Izzy. — Am I going to have to  _ take care _ of talking to you only when Isabelle isn't present so you can hear me?

— Sorry, Alec — he quickly focuses on the one speaking to him. — You were talking about the Academy training, I know — the shadowhunter rolled his eyes at him and kept talking about all the coming months of the young shadowhunters, and he tried his best to pay full attention or the other would get angry again.

His relationship with his girlfriend's older brother (or rather her  _ two _ older brothers, because whatever one did well alone, the Parabatai did even better together) had always had ups and downs, but Alec had become much more receptive to him for some reason… Maybe it was the good influence of Magnus and the two adorable children they had adopted (Simon had been so relieved that Rafael and Max liked him from the beginning, because he had really feared reliving Alec and Jace’s first days again).

While Alec had indeed become much more reasonable over the years and the new burden on his shoulders increased, Simon felt that he had also contributed somehow to that change, as he understood the Shadow World much more now and he didn’t try to fit the mundane functioning that he was once used to it to that new world he lived now.

— You keep looking at me with this lost vampire look and I'm sure you didn't pay attention to a word I said — Alec said, rolling his eyes and he wasn't as wrong as Simon wished he were.

— Were you talking about Krav maga? — he tried, causing the other to shake his head impatiently.

— No, Simon, I wasn't talking about Krav maga… Is it because of Izzy or haven't you been eating right? Because you've been disturbing me all week and I've got more to do…

— You touch me worrying about me, Alec! — the daylighter teased. — It even reminds me that we're family!

— We are not! — Alec turned his back on him and started toward his office, closing that meeting, but Simon followed him.

— So why would you let me live here? — he asked smugly.

— You act like it's my choice — the other replied. — You're in the graces of the _ right people _ and that's just it!

— No use denying, you know you like me too!

—  _ Wrong Lightwood _ ! — Alec entered his office and the daylighter used his supernatural speed not to be closed outside. — I didn't say you could come in!

— I  _ promise _ I'll focus on what you have to say! Don't use my flaw against me — Simon asked, making the other snort.

— So it's Isabelle's presence that was deconcentrating you... Are you thirteen?

— As if you focused on something with Magnus around! — he said, making the shadowhunter stare at him with raised eyebrows.

— I have  _ meetings  _ with the Downworld leaders! Weekly!

— Alec, I've had the pleasure of seeing your "self control", I don't know how you do these meetings, but I know that your button is broken...

— You know  _ what _ ?

— I live here! I date your sister!

— And I don't live here anymore, or endure you more than necessary!

— And yet, I've seen a lot more than once your brain crashing completely and all your systems having to be restarted just seeing Magnus entering the room! It's pretty cute! I ship it! — Alec shook his head, baffled, breathing deeply.

— Get out of my office, I have nothing more to talk to you about, Lewis. You can go — he said and his restrained anger made the daylighter laugh.

— But I didn't even talk about when your husband  _ and _ kids bug you — he said, amused. — Izzy and I can't decide which one is more fun…

The shadowhunter looked at him with deadly eyes.

— I don't know who I blame anymore: Clary for bringing you into our lives or Izzy for giving you the confidence to talk to me like that!

— We can spend the whole morning arguing about who's to blame, or you can just admit that you've learned to like me as part of your family!

— Never!

— Like Rafe and Max's uncle!

— Lewis!

— That makes your sister very happy!

— For the Angel, I can't talk to you without turning into torment, can I? Go find Jace to train and leave me alone for the rest of the day!

— You just want your brother to hit me — Simon rolled his eyes.

— I won’t lie that it was my thought.

— Unlucky you! Know that I am getting better every day! — he finally agreed to get up.

— The truth is, Isabelle threatened Jace if he didn't start taking it easy on you, it's she he's afraid of! — the shadowhunter said before the other one left.

— Really? — Simon asked, disappointed.

— You will never know!


	19. New Year's Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I stay when you’re lost and I’m scared  
> And you’re turning away  
> I want your midnights, but I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year’s Day”
> 
> Alec stays to clean Magnus' couch and make sure the warlock is okay. Worrying about the well being of a downworlder is no big deal, is it?

When Magnus held his hand, asking for his help, for his energy, having completely exhausted his own, trying to keep Luke steady so that he could heal him, Alec never felt like he was so much in the right place... Not even on the field, fighting against demons, fulfilling his angelic mission, not even among his siblings or when he was alone…

The High Warlock shook his hand three times and he could feel his strength extending from his body to his eldest, like an elastic that bound them. He knew what his parents would say if they knew what he had done, because all his life he'd heard that warlocks couldn't be trusted, always cunning, always wanting something in return… Always so much more powerful than your eyes could see...

It wasn't as if Alec didn't know Magnus was very powerful, he had already seen him fighting members of the Circle, he had already seen him summoning and containing a greater demon… He must be the  _ High Warlock _ for some reason! But to have him so vulnerable and exhausted, almost without magic, without strength, collapsing in his arms, trying to save a werewolf he barely knew… The shadowhunter no longer knew what to think about him.

He didn't want to go back to the Institute yet, that was the excuse he kept repeating to himself in his head as he tried to clean Magnus' couch with a cloth, more focused on that task than normal.

But the truth that was peeking out of the unlocked door of his mind was that he had been really worried if the warlock would be all right. How long did it take him to fully recover his magic? Were his protections in his apartment up, or was he keeping them all the time? What would happen if they found out that he was defenseless?

No. Alec would never leave a helpless man, and as had been technically helping his Parabatai that Magnus had run out his magic, he felt responsible, too, and would stay there to defend him from anyone, with his own life if necessary. It was a matter of honor, wasn't it?

He felt the world roll underfoot, but he could do nothing to stop it. The last few days had been so chaotic that he wanted more than anything his life would go back to normal; only he wasn't a kid to believe that anything would ever go back to what he was used to.

Never would he think he would be cleaning the High Warlock's couch, which he had met a few days ago, but who had asked for his help in healing the new werewolf Alpha… Alec had been raised to take over the New York Institute, when he was old enough, and while the position required him to have some cordiality with some downworlders, he was certain that this wasn’t what the Clave meant by "cordiality."

Was it wrong to care about Magnus' welfare? Staying there to make sure he was all right? As he rubbed the couch, these were the thoughts he tried to push away from his mind at all costs. He trusted the High Warlock in a way that none of his superiors, and that included mostly his father and mother, would say it was right!

But while he knew no one would agree, Alec also knew that none of them had seen Magnus Bane as he had that night. So fragile, so worn out… And while he had always learned that warlocks did nothing for free, the High Warlock hadn’t asked for anything in return for his services yet.

Alec made a deal with himself that he would stay there until he was sure Magnus would be all right, so that he could leave quietly for the Institute. Not because he was  _ worried _ or because he wanted to know what kind of person Magnus was, but simply because doing otherwise seemed wrong!

Downworlders had always seemed to him so selfish and reckless in everything he read at the Institute, but one night had been more than enough to make him question everything he knew about them. Alec still felt Magnus' gentle touch on his hand, even though he had offered him as much as he wanted of his energy, without thinking better of it, the warlock hadn’t drained completely his strength, as if he had also worried not to exhaust him. Magnus didn't seem selfish or reckless to him.

That put him to question all the attention the High Warlock had given him since they first met. While it was so much easier to believe that a warlock like  _ Magnus Bane _ just wanted to have fun and take advantage of Alec and that all that flirting was a trick, a trap… The man the shadowhunter had seen that night didn't look like that, nor seemed capable of showing such an interest in someone for something petty.

Magnus confused him with such feelings! He caused reactions in his body that Alec wished he could control, because it was too ridiculous for him to let others know! His heart was pounding and he felt his face flush, Magnus made him smile like no one else could, not even Jace.

Why couldn't he be attracted to someone who wouldn't bring him any complications in his life? It seemed that the Angels had indeed set him on earth just to suffer…

Why couldn't the High Warlock be a nasty creature full of tricks that Alec would have to deal with? But Magnus was kind and considerate, compassionate and funny and so handsome and charming that the youngest couldn’t resist.

If he hadn’t been so worried about the state of the warlock when he arrived and needed to support him, have him so close, in his arms like that, would have driven him crazy! Feeling his scent, the texture of his skin, the pressure of his body against his, his fingers intertwined… Now that all the danger had passed and everything had worked out, Alec couldn't stop thinking, couldn't make his body silence those new sensations he should avoid…

As a shadowhunter, he had always been very good at controlling his own impulses, his entire life had been an intense exercise of resignation and he considered himself very good at fighting his desires. But Magnus Bane was more than he could go against! It was more than he could resist and that would be his end! He couldn't weaken now and throw all the years of sacrifice away for a downworlder! That was crazy!

The right thing would be to run away, to escape Magnus as much as he could, to lock all the doors and windows of his being and to use all his strength to restrain his impulses until they no longer tried to get out of control. Surrendering to the High Warlock's seduction would be so reckless that would trigger his end! He couldn’t. He shouldn't…

But Alec knew he wanted to stay, even if it was wrong… He wanted to stay, even if it scared him and it was too hard. Even without knowing why, even without knowing how to say what made him want to be reckless for the first time in his life!

He wanted to make sure Magnus would be all right, wanted to be able to enjoy his company a little and allow himself to enjoy what he knew he couldn’t have, that would never be his, no matter how much he wanted…

It was all he wanted...


End file.
